“When the well is dry, we know the worth of the water.” — Benjamin Franklin
The holidays are over. The ornaments are boxed and put away. The tree is at the curb ready to be recycled for mulch. The eggnog and cookies are gone leaving behind only the memory as I tug my snug jeans over my more rounded hips. I sit back in my recliner and sip my holiday tea which offers hints of mocha and peppermint, evaluating this past year’s events.
It was a year filled with grief and transition: The death of a beloved pet, job transitions and surgeries. It was also a year of beginnings and opportunities: New speaking engagements, a book contract and a new academic position. In 2017, life continuously oscillated between joyous highs to devastating lows. What a ride!
I evaluated my self-care over this past year and (like many) I find I fell short in some areas. I exercise regularly and eat well, but I still don’t drink enough water. I overschedule, loving everything I have the privilege to do — but leaving little space for much needed quiet. I want to write more and that requires (at least for me) quiet and time. So, I put pen to paper and begin my process of resolving to offer myself better care in the New Year … and so it begins.
The idea of self-care, although essential, tends to elude caregivers and those of us in the helping professions. We preach it to our clients. However, we become our own exception to the rules of wellness. Further, overall wellness encompasses all aspects of our life to include relationships and finances. The United States Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) has created a wellness model that includes eight dimensions that contribute to physical and mental health.
Helpers need help, at times, in processing difficult experiences. Recently, a grieving therapist-friend lamented: “We are all liars! We tell our clients all about grief and loss, assuring them that things get better … but they don’t!”
I allowed her to continue her disgruntled evaluation of the pain and suffering that accompanies grief and then asked, “So, you are saying that just because we as clinicians know the grief process we are not immune to the actual pain?”
We bleed just like any other human, I reminded her. We feel hurt, and pain — and we suffer. Even if we have an intellectual understanding of the process, we still must endure the journey.
What supports do you have in place? Who can you call upon for guidance? How are you coping with your life’s challenges?
Our internal wellness is informed by our external surroundings. When I decided to start a private practice, I created a vision around the environment in which I wanted to spend six to eight hours each day seeing clients. I thought of my favorite colors, turquoise and green, and the most peaceful setting: the beach. I went to my nearest Pier 1 Imports store and let the designer go to town picking out dark-stained wicker furniture with pillows and wall art of batik with inspirational hand-painted words such as love, inspire, believe, peace. I added a few pieces of sea glass and shells from my travels and voila!
How do your personal and professional environments support you? Do they offer a peaceful haven or chaos and disorganization?
Financial wellness is an area that many individuals find difficult to examine. Early in my career I was barely making enough to pay my bills, let alone think about a portfolio. However, what I have learned is that seeking the expertise of a financial professional helped me begin to see how I could create a solid personal plan — even with meager beginnings. There are numerous resources that can help address your financial needs and help you develop a realistic plan. It is easier than you think!
How are you contributing to your financial health?
We are creative beings. We need stimulation and imaginative ways to express and expand our knowledge and skills. For example, a year before ACA’s 2016 Conference & Expo in Montréal, I committed to learning a bit of French. I spent every morning rehearsing. My mother, who is French- Canadian, tested me as we ventured through the produce isle of a grocery store. More recently, I became a student of backyard foraging. Yes, I walk the trails looking for bounty: wild berries, mushrooms, rose hips and greens. My passion for nature therapy ignites as I learn more about the intricate communication between the plants and animals. I get excited when I put together a delicious feast from my foraged treasure.
In what ways are you stimulating your mind?
I love my work! Each day I experience variety in client needs. I enjoy sharing theory and application with my students. Writing joins my clinical and academic work to complete my professional trifecta. I love my work so much that I often overschedule: I see 30 clients in my practice, I teach six classes for three universities, I am a national presenter, I have a column that I contribute to monthly, and now I have a book contract and a full-time university faculty offer. Clearly, something has to give (stay tuned!).
How does your occupation meet your needs? Are you satisfied with your work-life-balance? Or, like me, is it time for you to re-evaluate?
Our bodies need attention. We need food, water, rest — and to be active. Exercise is such an important part of my life. I like to move. It feels good to sweat. Yet, I have an incredibly sedentary job — I sit all day long. In addition to my hour-long gym class, I’ve created movement throughout my day to mediate the effects of hours of sitting. Others with sedentary jobs are employing standing desks, or taking short walks around the office just to stretch. My Fitbit reminds me to attend to all of the elements of physical health.
How are you taking care of your physical wellness? Do you carry a water bottle to hydrate? Do you take walks regularly and get fresh air?
We are social creatures. Abraham Maslow pointed out decades ago that once the immediate needs of food, shelter and safety have been met, we need to feel like we belong. That sense of belonging comes from having the support of others. For some, family may not serve as a support system. While my family is a source of great support, I also like to create a network within my community. For example, when I moved to Annapolis (almost 20 years ago), I did drive-by visits to my most important sources of connection. I interviewed churches. I located gyms. I identified several coffee shops. I found dog parks and trails. Clients have since told me about the Meetup.com concept of identifying groups of like-minded persons.
How is your social wellness?
In The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are, author and researcher Brené Brown writes:
“Spirituality is recognizing and celebrating that we are all inextricably connected to each other by a power greater than us, and that our connection to that power and to one another is grounded in love and compassion.”
Research continues to find that experiencing the sacred provides us with wellness, healing, support and a sense of meaning. Years ago, I helped my faith community start a Prayer Shawl Ministry (a spiritual practice that involves shawls that provide comfort and solace to those in need). As a card-carrying feminist, I am drawn toward the feminine sacred, even within traditional religious practices. So, it was such a great opportunity to convene with other women in meditation and click our needles together with intention as we crafted shawls for ill church members. Influenced by my Celtic heritage, I find beauty and the divine in natural settings. Engaging in nature is sacred for me and promotes moments of awe and wonder. It nourishes my spirit.
How do you cultivate awe and wonder in your life? What do you find sacred and meaningful? How do you craft opportunities to nourish your spiritual health?
It is a new year. A time to ponder past experiences and future dreams, re-evaluate relationships and let go of old habits and develop newer, more nourishing, ones. As I review my wellness wheel, I find that there are several areas with which I am pleased — and a few that I will choose to modify in order to bring greater balance to my rich, full life.
Be kind to your body, gentle with your mind and patient with your heart.
Stay true to your spirit, cherish your soul and never doubt yourself.
You are still becoming, my love, and there is no one more deserving
of the nurturing grace of your love.
“Kindness” -Becca Lee
Happy New Year!
Cheryl Fisher is a licensed clinical professional counselor in private practice in Annapolis, Maryland. She is affiliate faculty at Loyola and Fordham Universities. Her research interests include examining sexuality and spirituality in young women with advanced breast cancer; nature-informed therapy; and geek therapy. She may be contacted at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Opinions expressed and statements made in articles appearing on CT Online should not be assumed to represent the opinions of the editors or policies of the American Counseling Association.