Tag Archives: action plan series

For such a time as this: A plan of action for moving forward

By Esther Scott June 30, 2020

[Editor’s note: This is the fourth article in a series on action plans for different areas of life during the COVID-19 pandemic.]

During this period of physical distancing, a new norm of limiting touch was created. Although touches are often few and brief in American culture compared with other cultures, these brief touches contribute greatly to our emotional well-being. Many have missed the small touches of friends and family that connected them at a deeper level, or the social courtesy of a handshake during introductions.

Social distancing, although necessary, has been a big challenge. But after a period of quarantine and isolation from friends and family, perhaps a bigger challenge will be returning to normal interactions of touching one another without fear and anxiety. There are mixed emotions involved. Some people are feeling relief and gratitude as restrictions are gradually loosened, while others are experiencing frustration with the “new norm” or are fearful that others could still infect them with the virus.

Whichever side you come out on, it is important to remember that touch creates a human bond that is particularly necessary for building a healthy, more connected community. Studies show that we need to touch and be touched. Human touch is vital for well-being. It leads to the release of oxytocin, also called the “love hormone,” which helps regulate your fight-or-flight system and calms your body in times of stress.

Studies also show that lack of touch can be harmful to health. In experiments with monkeys, researcher Harry Harlow demonstrated that young monkeys deprived of touch did not grow and develop normally. We must now work at getting back to where we can touch each other without anxiety or doubt.

In the meantime, learning to express warmth and affection through words will help us move forward. Here is a plan of action for that.

Images from the United Nations COVID-19 Response page at unsplash.com

1) Focus on the future.

Every storm passes. And this too shall pass. After a period of quarantine or isolation, you may feel emotions that include relief and gratitude, or even feelings of personal growth and increased spirituality. Just as fear was once spread, hope and security can be transmitted socially too.

Looking at crises as opportunities to rethink and reorganize our priorities will prove beneficial. Crises bring opportunities for improvements that are not always possible in other conditions. The analogy of a diamond may apply here. The beauty of the diamond comes about from the extreme experience of pressure and heat. The same is true for us. We will emerge stronger from this situation and the complex challenges we have faced and are still facing. Let’s focus on a future that is filled with hope.

2) Prioritize your mental health and be flexible.

Things may get worse before they get better, but we are still here. Human beings have great capacity for adapting in times of suffering.

Prioritizing your mental health can be one of the best steps you can take at this time. For many, this will mean continuing to see their therapists or booking online sessions to talk through things and being intentional about practicing self-care.

Feeling anxious as we reintegrate as a society will be normal, but if you experience symptoms of extreme stress such as constant sleep problems or an increase in alcohol or drug use, a visit to your health care provider or mental health professional can make a positive difference. Mental health is essential to everyone’s overall health and well-being, especially during difficult times. Focus your attention on your strengths and abilities, and imagine yourself coping and adapting successfully.

Flexibility is adaptive. It is imperative that we build a foundation of healthy coping and stay connected to our values and to one another. Gratitude is a good first step toward opening the door to flexibility. In fact, the more you practice gratitude, the better your brain gets at recognizing positive things.

Start by thinking about one thing or person for which you are grateful. Focus on the feelings that arise, and hold them in your heart. Know that you can return to that thought of appreciation anytime as you move forward.

3) Be optimistic and resilient.

Optimism is the tendency to see and judge things in their most positive or favorable outcome. Resilience is our ability to overcome difficult circumstances and grow in the face of adversity. These qualities will be key in our efforts to recover. When we are anxious, we tend to overestimate and exaggerate the impact of a negative event and underestimate our chances of recovery. Resiliency gives us a realistic balance.

The ability to handle adversity will be another critical component to our success moving forward. Even if you or someone you love has been diagnosed with the coronavirus, maintaining an optimistic attitude is essential to supporting recovery. Being optimistic will help you make your thoughts and emotions much more positive, which in turn gives your immune system a boost.

The experience of the coronavirus does not have to become a traumatic and overwhelming experience that marks us for life. On the contrary, it can be an excellent opportunity to exercise our resilience — that is, to grow in the face of adversity.

Religious individuals involved in tragic circumstances often report finding peace, hope and even increased faith in the midst of the experience. Consequently, they tend to report high satisfaction in their lives. “We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed … Struck down, but not destroyed” (2 Corinthians 4:9).

We can all benefit from this kind of optimism. Therefore, let us start filling our world with music and songs of hope in preparation for the great celebration that awaits us. We will meet again. We will celebrate again. Let’s get started.

 

 

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Esther Scott, LPC

Esther Scott is a licensed professional counselor in Arlington, Texas. She is a solution-focused therapist. Her specialties include grief, depression, teaching coping skills and couples counseling. Contact her through her website at positiveactionsinternational.com.

 

 

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Opinions expressed and statements made in articles appearing on CT Online should not be assumed to represent the opinions of the editors or policies of the American Counseling Association.

For such a time as this: Plan of action for young adults, adolescents and parents

By Esther Scott June 22, 2020

[Editor’s note: This is the third of four articles in a series on action plans for different areas of life during the COVID-19 pandemic.]

To young adults, the risk of contracting the coronavirus or suffering a negative outcome may feel remote. Research studies show that when young people talk about risk reduction, they tend to be referring to reducing social or reputational risks. As a young adult, you may be in the same boat. While the individual risks of COVID-19 may seem low for young people, it is worth stating that becoming infectious could worsen the health and financial security of your community and make it much harder for you to find work, especially if you are just graduating.

Remembering that your youth and health give you “superhero” powers will help you take a more active role in this crisis to protect yourself and those you love. As the line from the Spider-Man comics and movies reminds us, “With great power comes great responsibility.” You have the power of good health, and it is your responsibility to help solve the problem by protecting yourself and others.

Here is a plan of action for young adults, adolescents and their parents.

 

1) Obtain reliable information.

A deep understanding of how people view risk is crucial to stopping the spread of disease. Gathering a similar understanding of COVID-19 can help young people to participate willingly instead of resenting authority. It is important that you see breaking physical distancing guidelines as being risky not only for yourself and those you love, but risky for your entire community.

The same is true when it comes to understanding your economic risks. Analysts believe that young workers and new grads may be hit harder because they tend to work in the food, retail and hospitality industries — places that are experiencing harsher impacts as consumers stay home more. Obtaining reliable information will help you navigate the expected upcoming changes.

2) Control peer pressure. Prioritize safety over reputation.

One obvious reason for the prioritization of social reputation over health risk is peer pressure and the need to fit in socially. In the wake of COVID-19, there were numerous stories in the media highlighting young people who continued to gather despite social distancing guidelines. There were also reports of young adults violating shelter-in-place and social distancing orders to meet lovers and potential hookups because they felt pressured by friends to do so.

One way to evade social pressure is to plan your response ahead of time. Hosting remote meetings and parties could be one such response. With the rise of social media, distant hangouts are trending.

 

Plan of action for students and adolescents

In this difficult situation, it is best to look at the positive side: We have unbelievably valuable time to spend at home. This unprecedented situation that we are experiencing affects everyone. Adolescents too can learn to manage what they can control so that they emerge from this stronger. We can use this crisis to help them grow as resilient, autonomous human beings. Here is plan of action that can help students and adolescents make the most of this situation.

1) Keep a structured routine — a time for everything.

It is particularly important to keep a predictable routine. Develop a schedule that includes activities such as family sports, reading books, and collaborating with the rest of the family. It is important that students, especially teenagers, spend time in productive physical activities. Go out and throw the ball, shoot some baskets, go for a walk around the block or simply do some jumping jacks.

2) Continue education by reading and writing.

Two other important activities for students and adolescents during this crisis are reading books and writing thoughts. This time at home is the perfect opportunity to dedicate yourself to reading books and stories that have been on the shelf for a while. If possible, we recommend reading together as a family, including reflecting on the content of the story or answering questions that come up after reading it.

Writing thoughts or a diary with the events of the day or a gratitude journal about things you enjoy will continue to help you put these circumstances in perspective. If you graduated from high school or college this year, consider staying in school to pursue the next level of education. It could help you land a higher-paying job in the future.

3) Get involved.

Participating in household chores and taking responsibility for “their things” (their room, their clothes, etc.) is especially motivating for older children and adolescents. Allowing them to collaborate in the kitchen by researching new recipes or cooking (especially when personal assistants such as Google Assistant and Alexa are available for recipes) can also help develop growth and autonomy.

There are various ways that students and adolescents can take their place in this moment in history and make this time more enjoyable. They can write letters to the older adults in their families or communities and show appreciation for health personnel by sending prayers to them and those who are sick. It is good for young people to develop a sense of belonging in their communities and to know that their actions make a difference.

 

Plan of action for parents

Sticking to a routine is essential to keep your sanity (just as it is for your children). Maintaining a schedule can be helpful in creating a bit of normalcy in this unexpected situation and in reducing your anxiety level because your brain will feel in control.

Be a team. Keep it balanced. If you have a partner, try alternating who is looking after the kids or making meals. But most importantly, communicate your needs to your team. Remember that flexibility is key in times of crisis. Be kind to yourself; you are doing the best you can.

Although we have yet to see the full extent of the economic slowdown induced by COVID-19, analysts currently expect that we will recover once the virus is under control. So, hold on.

 

 

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Esther Scott, LPC

Esther Scott is a licensed professional counselor in Arlington, Texas. She is a solution-focused therapist. Her specialties include grief, depression, teaching coping skills and couples counseling. Contact her through her website at positiveactionsinternational.com.

 

 

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Opinions expressed and statements made in articles appearing on CT Online should not be assumed to represent the opinions of the editors or policies of the American Counseling Association.

For such a time as this: A plan of action for couples and individuals

By Esther Scott June 15, 2020

[Editor’s note: This is the second of four articles in a series on action plans for different areas of life during the COVID-19 pandemic. The remaining articles will be posted on subsequent Mondays in June.]

The new normal that the coronavirus has introduced can create some real tension, particularly for couples who think they are losing “that loving feeling” as a result of the shelter-in-place mandate meant to contain the spread of COVID-19. Every marriage has its natural ups and downs, but research studies suggest that the way we relate to each other can have profound effects not only on our mental health, but on our biological health as well, “for better or for worse.”

This unplanned for and prolonged time to stay at home may bring discomfort for many of us, but we can come out the other side with new skills. Having a plan of action can help protect your relationship during these changing times and may even help reignite the spark that brought you together in the first place.

Here is an action plan to follow to help you reclaim your “happily ever after” even during the coronavirus pandemic.

 

1) Bring back that loving feeling. Be more proactive.

Early in relationships, we prioritize our one-on-one moments, but eventually we begin to sideline, just when we may need to connect the most. To “bring back that loving feeling,” research shows that couples should engage in meaningful activities to stay connected with each other. It could be as simple as trying a new weekly schedule that includes a night for reading or listening to music, a night for TV, a night for conversation and so on.

One exercise we recommend to the couples who come to see us is to put a big fluffy pillow in the middle of their living room or bedroom floor, grab their favorite drink (e.g., a bottle of wine, sparkling apple cider, tea), turn off cell phones and TVs, turn the lights down low, play soft music in the background, and simply talk to one another for 45 minutes. We recommend they do this at least once a week.

No one enters a relationship with the expectation that it will be boring or unhappy. Boredom signals that our relationship needs to be refueled. Just as the fuel light on your car indicates when you are running low on gas, boredom and unhappiness mean that your relationship needs to be refilled. You wouldn’t think of abandoning your car when the fuel light comes on; you would think of refilling it. The same goes for relationships.

Boredom and “unhappiness” do not mean that a relationship does not work — it just means that it needs some attention. Early in the relationship, everything is new and exciting. We talk for hours, text countless times and spend every second we can together. Then, somewhere along the way, we believe we have shared all there is to share and know all there is to know about each other and we stop connecting, which can lead to a sense of boredom and unhappiness. We need to continue cultivating those opportunities that helped our relationship to grow in the first place. This, in turn, will help bring back that loving feeling.

2) Focus on supporting each other.

Can I depend on you when I need help, feel scared, worry about dying or don’t feel well? Am I willing to be that source of comfort and stability when you need me? These are questions the subconscious mind has kept in storage from the moment you decided to join your lives together.

No matter how long you have been together, the current pandemic has revealed the need for much more mutual dependency. Now is the time to give reassurance that your partner can count on you to protect them by protecting yourself. Now is the time to provide empathetic listening when they are feeling scared about their future or frustrated with the new changes and losses experienced. Now is the time to support each other.

3) Talk to connect. Connect through agreement.

Instead of talking about what is not working, have a conversation about the needs you both have and how to satisfy each other within your relationship. Try focusing on what is good about your relationship, what you admire and what you feel grateful for. Once you show appreciation for each other, it is likely that both of you will have a change in attitude.

Research shows that if you focus on the ways your partner is supportive, both you and your partner will feel better about the relationship. Connecting this way increases your chances of standing strong through the storm. Use this crisis as a call to action.

We continue to change and grow every day. The problem is that we have stopped sharing. Talk to connect! Ask questions: “How do you think the world has changed since COVID-19?” “What is something you truly enjoyed doing that you have not done in years?” “What is the best way for me to encourage you and support you?” There is still plenty to discover about each other.

 

Note for dating couples

Adversity can sometimes make a relationship stronger. COVID-19 may have intensified your relationship more quickly than it would have otherwise. Use this opportunity to examine your partner’s character during this crisis.

Character is the first thing to inspect before marrying someone. Your potential spouse can have good career and a strong personality or be fun loving and good looking, but if there is a character problem, these other qualities will not matter. Your character determines your commitment to the relationship, and commitment is the essential ingredient that will help you build a lifetime of enjoying one another.

The following questions can help you identify potential character issues that will need to be addressed to keep your relationship healthy. Most of these questions can be answered simply by watching a person’s behavior around family and on social media.

  • How do they handle stress or crisis situations?
  • Are they teachable?
  • How well do they set healthy boundaries in their life?
  • How do they handle money?
  • Are they angry or hot-tempered?
  • Do they follow through on commitments?
  • Do they demonstrate respect for others?
  • Are they entitled?

 

Plan of action for individuals

If you are going through COVID-19 alone, the lack of social connections and the disruption in routine can impose additional stress that can lead to depression. These feelings of association and loneliness are flexible and change with context. In fact, things may get worse before they get better. What felt manageable yesterday may not feel manageable tomorrow. Here is a plan of action for you.

1) Change your perspective.

You may find yourself riding this wave “alone,” but it is important to remember that you do not have to feel lonely. This is a global pandemic. We are all in this together, even if we are physically apart.

Now is the time for a change in perspective. Remember, perception is reality to those who perceive it. Your world is built from the inside out, from your brain. If you perceive your time alone as lonely time, then you will feel lonely. But being alone is not the same as being lonely. On the other hand, you can be in a relationship or surrounded by people and still feel unsupported and lonely. Use your situation as time of reflection. Solitude can be a season for us to reconsider what is important in our lives.

2) Reach out and connect.

Now is the time to reach out to friends and family and connect with them in a more meaningful way. Let people know how much you care about them. A phone call, involving a real voice instead of a text message, is better, and a video chat instead of just a phone call is best. Humans were created to be social beings, and hearing a real voice and seeing the faces of those we care about is exactly what we need in times of crisis.

Talking about your feelings with someone when you are stressed or upset may or may not resolve your problem, but it can help you to feel better and less alone. If, on the other hand, you are on the receiving end of the call, be the support that person needs. Listen and convey that you understand their feelings. This act of one person sharing something vulnerable and the other responding with understanding and care is what we call empathetic listening.

3) Avoid unhealthy coping mechanisms.

Avoiding unhealthy coping mechanisms such as pornography, alcohol or drug use can prevent long-term complications. The spread of the coronavirus and the necessary physical distancing measures put in place have led to increased feelings of loneliness and stress, which can help explain the reported increase in pornography use. Some claim that pornography does not present a problem for those who use it. However, a number of research studies show links between pornography use and potential concerning outcomes, including lower levels of sexual satisfaction for men.

Alcohol and substance use are also popular coping mechanisms among those looking to reduce feelings of stress, loneliness and boredom. However, alcohol and substance use could do more harm than good and could lead to a possible spike in addiction disorders for years to come. Health experts warn that an increase in alcohol and drug use could have both short- and long-term impacts on health and safety.

To avoid the potential harm of relying on unhealthy coping mechanisms, we recommend using humor and creativity to reduce stress and boredom. Using humor does not mean that we are trivializing the challenges brought to us by the coronavirus; it means we are trying to cope with them in a healthy way. Laughter is the best medicine, and humor can improve our mood and increase our resilience.

The movie Groundhog Day offers a great example of how many of us may be feeling. Every day seems to be a repeat of the last. But remember, even though it was the same day over and over again, the main character in the movie had the opportunity to learn something new every day. You may be alone, but you do not have to feel lonely. We are in this together with our friends, family members and even the entire global community.

 

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Esther Scott, LPC

Esther Scott is a licensed professional counselor in Arlington, Texas. She is a solution-focused therapist. Her specialties include grief, depression, teaching coping skills and couples counseling. Contact her through her website at positiveactionsinternational.com.

 

 

 

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Opinions expressed and statements made in articles appearing on CT Online should not be assumed to represent the opinions of the editors or policies of the American Counseling Association.

For such a time as this: A plan of action for general anxiety and depression

By Esther Scott June 8, 2020

[Editor’s note: This is the first of four articles in a series on action plans for different areas of life during the COVID-19 pandemic. The next three articles will be posted on subsequent Mondays in June.]

With the coronavirus pandemic, everything has changed, from the hygiene habits of washing our hands more frequently to the physical distancing that we must now maintain. For many, the financial stress and rapid changes brought about by the pandemic can be just as scary as the virus itself. Business closures, income reduction and the uncertainty of what might be ahead once we return to “normalcy” has increased stress levels for all of us, and many people are even experiencing symptoms of depression. Understanding what is happening in our brains and having a plan of action can help us manage these new challenges in the different areas of our lives.

Through this four-part series, we will look at a plan of action that can help the rational brain feel in control again and view the new challenges we now face as opportunities to develop our resilience.

Let’s start with a plan of action to help reduce anxiety and prevent depression symptoms.

1) Write down specific worries.

The first step to solving a problem is understanding what is happening. Why are we so stressed out? Perceived lack of control.

Uncertainty produces hypervigilance in the brain. Our brains are on high alert, increasing our levels of stress. Stress is an automatic defense mechanism that prepares us to face a threat, whether hypothetical or real. It is regulated by the hypothalamus and pituitary gland (in the brain) and the adrenal gland (above the kidneys).

In the face of danger (uncertainty), the hypothalamus activates the alert system (increased heart rate, respiratory rate and muscle tone) and produces cortisol — the stress hormone — secreted by the adrenals, which maintains this physiological alert as long as necessary. If it is perpetuated too long, stress can become a health problem that leads to increased risk of anxiety, depression, substance use and other maladaptive behaviors.

The brain likes organization and predictability. That is why we organize information in categories known as bias or stereotypical organization. Therefore, the first step to overcoming anxiety and depression is making a list of the worries you have about how the coronavirus pandemic has disrupted your life. Examine your worries, aiming to be realistic in your assessment of the actual concern and your ability to cope. Try not to catastrophize; instead, focus on what you can do. Your life is going to be different for a while, but identifying what worries you have and focusing on what you can control will make the difference.

2) Make a list of possible solutions.

Think of all possible options. This is the all-familiar “brainstorming” technique. Include whatever possibilities come to mind that could help you get by, even if it is not your ideal option. The goal is to focus on concrete things that you can problem-solve or change. A solution-focused approach will help you focus on your strengths instead of your weaknesses.

Think about how you have been able to cope with difficulties in the past by asking yourself questions such as “How have I managed to carry on?” or “How have I managed to prevent things from becoming worse?” After you have evaluated your options, accept your new reality and develop a plan.

Remember, anxiety comes from not knowing what will happen, and depression comes from believing there is nothing we can do to change it. Having a plan will move you from paralyzing anxiety to action. Practicing physical distancing, getting enough sleep and doing other activities to support your immune system are examples of positive actions that you can take immediately. Put your attention on your strengths and abilities, and imagine yourself coping and adapting.

3) Know your emotional triggers.

Pinpoint what your emotional triggers are and how you react to them. It is natural to feel stressed about what may happen if our income does not cover our obligations, or if someone we love gets sick, or if we must quarantine longer. In fact, feeling down from time to time is a normal reaction to life’s stressors. But when hopelessness and despair enter the picture or take hold and just will not go away, then we need to pay closer attention because it may be a sign of depression.

Depression is more than just sadness in response to struggles or setbacks. Depression changes your perception and the way you feel, bringing you feelings of emptiness and doom. It impacts your ability to sleep, work, eat, and enjoy your life.

It is also important to remember that the feelings of hopelessness or helplessness we may experience are symptoms of depression, not the reality of the situation. There is hope. There is a solution. Even if we cannot see it right now.

4) Conduct a strength inventory.

Resilience is the ability to withstand, recover and bounce back in the midst of stress, chaos and ever-changing situations. It is the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties, the courage to come back.

Conducting a strength inventory can help you feel stronger and more resourceful. Identify what negative thought you struggle with. Replace or reframe how you are viewing your challenges. The situation you are facing is hard, but is there something you can learn from it or some other silver lining? If you have been through difficult situations in the past — and most of us have been through those at some point in our lives — identify what got you through them, and use it to your advantage.

5) Practice kindness.

Studies have shown that people who consistently help others experience less depression, greater calm and fewer pains. Kind people create joy and satisfaction through helping others. People who can give and accept support in a tough situation tend to feel less depressed.

Kindness toward others can translate into kindness to you. Seek support from your family and friends or a professional mental health provider if you need it. It can help you deal better with hard times.

 

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Esther Scott, LPC

Esther Scott is a licensed professional counselor in Arlington, Texas. She is a solution-focused therapist. Her specialties include grief, depression, teaching coping skills and couples counseling. Contact her through her website at positiveactionsinternational.com.

 

 

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Opinions expressed and statements made in articles appearing on CT Online should not be assumed to represent the opinions of the editors or policies of the American Counseling Association.