Tag Archives: autism

Forming friendships as a neurodivergent adult

By Samantha Cooper June 15, 2023

Two older women laughing; walking on the beach; one holding coffee; adult friendship

sirtravelalot/Shutterstock.com

A common misconception about people who are neurodivergent is that they cannot or do not want to form friendships. Although some neurodivergent individuals may choose not to form many (or any) friendships, research now shows that neurodivergent people generally want friends; they just have trouble making them.

“People who are neurodivergent [are] forced to live in a world that is not set up for them and is largely just not accepting of any of their differences,” says Kelly Beck, a licensed professional counselor (LPC) who is an assistant professor of psychiatry at the University of Pittsburgh. This can lead to relationship challenges not only with friends but also with family, medical professionals and colleagues.

In addition, neurodivergent adults are often expected to conform to neurotypical behaviors in social interactions, Beck says. For example, neurodivergent people may have difficulty interpreting neurotypical social cues, which can lead to discrimination if their responses don’t match what society considers to be the “correct” reaction.

Kylie Pilot, a clinical therapist and cognitive rehabilitation specialist at the University of Pittsburgh, has also noticed differences between how neurotypical and neurodivergent people sometimes perceive and experience social interactions. A person who is neurotypical may have developed ways to make up for or buffer socially awkward moments or missed social cues, she says. For example, if a neurotypical person forgets someone’s name, they may be more likely to use context clues to indirectly learn the person’s name or find an appropriate way to ask. A person who is neurodivergent, however, may not be able to notice those social clues as easily (or at all) and may feel uncomfortable asking for the person’s name again.

Pilot is a certified provider for the Program for the Education and Enrichment of Relational Skills (PEERS), an evidence-based social skills treatment for youth with socioemotional struggles developed by UCLA’s Semel Institute for Neuroscience and Human Behavior. The PEERS program works to help neurodivergent people interested in friendships learn skills to navigate social interactions, she explains. The social skills people need assistance with varies, depending on the resources (or lack of) they had while growing up, she adds.

Children often have access to social skill programs through their schools, which can help them navigate friendships, but adults don’t necessarily have the same options. “When you’re young, you think everyone is your friend, [but] … as you move into adulthood people aren’t as kind,” Pilot says. “[Neurotypical adults] have a more solid expectation of what ‘good’ … or neurotypical social skills are. And they have an expectation that other people will also adhere to them.”

PEERS is one of the few intervention services that has a program for young adults (i.e., people between 18 and 35 years old), Pilot notes. This program for young adults teaches age-appropriate social behaviors and responses and offers optional lessons on romantic interactions.

Redefining social relationships

Jamie Kulzer, an LPC in Pennsylvania, recommends counselors, especially those working with neurodivergent people, embrace the social model of disability. This model acknowledges that disability itself is not the problem. Instead, it is society’s unwillingness to provide more flexibility and offer appropriate accommodations that prevents people with disabilities from fully participating in society.

“Ideally, society will change and be more accepting and understanding [of neurodivergence],” Kulzer says. But societal change can be a slow process, and until that happens, she says counselors need to provide their clients with the tools they can use to navigate a world set up by and for neurotypical people.

Kulzer, an associate professor of clinical mental health counseling at the University of Pittsburgh, says that the social model of disability is in stark contrast to the more traditional medical model of disability, which focuses on “fixing” perceived deficits. Many counseling interventions are based on this medical model, she notes. For example, some interventions might ask clients who are neurodivergent to make eye contact when talking to others even though many neurodivergent people find eye contact to be difficult or even painful. This goal of making eye contact was designed with neurotypical people and values in mind, she stresses. It assumes that eye contact is necessary to conversation and ignores the discomfort of neurodivergent people. She advises counselors to use techniques and tools that are designed with neurodiverse people in mind when working with this population.

Unfortunately, many well-intentioned neurotypical individuals believe they are helping people who are neurodivergent by asking them to conform to neurotypical behavior, and they often don’t realize they are causing harm or that their advice is unhelpful because they’re approaching it from their own perspective and experience.

Kenneth Smith, a licensed professional clinical counselor in Ohio, compares teaching social skills to people who are neurodivergent to having someone who easily picks up math concepts explain it to a student who is struggling in this area. “Some people just naturally get math, but most people need to be taught from a bottom-up approach, deductive way,” he says. “The problem is the people who get math … [tend] to be terrible teachers because they don’t get how to teach [it].”

He says this concept applies to social skills as well. “Most people get it intuitively, but that’s the problem — they don’t know how to teach it,” he explains. “If somebody struggles with social skills, they need to be taught a more direct, broken-down version of how to make friends.”

Smith, the founder and clinical director at the Center for Autism, Assertiveness and Social Skills in Columbus, Ohio, advises counselors take a direct approach when teaching neurodivergent clients to make friends by breaking down the steps involved in making friends. He also cautions counselors to avoid giving vague advice such as “just talk to people” or advice that isn’t socially appropriate, such as telling a client to approach a group of people and introduce themselves.

Pilot and Kulzer, who is also a PEERS educator, agree that role-playing is a great technique to use with this population. Kulzer, Pilot and Beck presented on counseling neurodiverse adults who have social skills challenges at ACA’s 2022 Virtual Conference Experience.

Practicing different situations in group sessions or one-on-one sessions helps clients get a better understanding of what to expect when they go out into the real world, Pilot says. For example, if a client is prone to walking away in the middle of a conversation, they could practice this in session with a counselor, who would be able to give them feedback as to why the behavior might not have been appropriate and ask them how they would feel if they were on the other end of the situation.

“Role-playing is helpful because even though every interaction is different, it gives our clients an idea of what to expect or what might happen,” she notes.

Practicing social interactions is especially important for autistic clients because people on the autism spectrum often struggle with relating to others, says David Meer, an LPC at Neurodiverse Counseling Services in Scottsdale, Arizona. Autistic people may be more inclined to make friends with people online through online gaming or apps such as Discord, where they can find people with common interests without having to adhere to the social conventions typically used in in-person settings. For example, people who meet others online do not have to worry about facial expressions like they would if they met someone in person.

“A lot of parents will get upset with them [their kids] and say those aren’t real relationships,” he says. “[But] they are real relationships. Online relationships are genuine connections that sometimes feel safer than in real life.”

In addition, some autistic people get overstimulated when trying to process everything that is going on around them, Meer adds. When autistic people are in a more controlled environment, such as at home playing a video game, then they’re more likely to be comfortable and able to talk to others, he says.

Cultivating intragroup friendships

The theory of the “double empathy problem,” a term coined by Damian Milton (a sociologist who specializes in autism research), suggests that people with different world experiences may have trouble empathizing with one another. This concept applies not only to neurodivergent groups but also to other identifiers such as race, gender and religion.

Meer, who is autistic, finds the term “neurodiverse” to be broad and all-encompassing; instead, he prefers to refer to autistic people as belonging to a “neurominority group.” These groups are formed through shared life experiences and a shared identifier such as attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder or autism. Like other marginalized identity groups, people who are a member of a neurominority group will generally have an easier time relating to someone within the group than somebody outside of it, he says.

People within a neurominority group are going to better understand the struggle to communicate and will be more accepting of alternative methods of communication, Meer continues. A neurotypical person, on the other hand, may also struggle with communication if they are in an environment where the majority of people are neurodivergent or from a neurominority group.

The double empathy problem highlights that social interactions between people are never one-sided, Beck notes. Because society typically deems neurotypical behavior to be “correct,” she says counselors need to fight these ingrained biases and avoid forcing the idea that the only way for a neurodivergent person to make friends is to act as a neurotypical person by forcing them to perform behaviors they aren’t comfortable with. Instead, counselors can help neurodivergent people find and form friendships within their already-existing social circles.

Finding the right tools

Meer encourages counselors to think outside the box when working with neurodivergent clients, while keeping in mind the importance of identity groups. He shares some ideas about what this type of thinking could look like in counseling:

Unmasking: Neurodivergent adults may try to hide or “mask” who they are to fit in. Meer encourages his clients to “unmask” and lean into their neurodivergent identities. He says unmasking is similar to the concept of “radical visibility” in queer theory, which encourages people to embrace and be proud of their identity. For example, he says he “might teach people to lean into their autistic characteristics — what’s natural [to them] … and engage more with [their special interests].”
Neurodiverse friend groups: Because it may be easier for neurodivergent people to make friends within their identity group, counselors can encourage clients to form these types of friendships and perhaps even prioritize them over friendships with neurotypical people, Meer says. “[Intra-identity friendships] will show you’re not this ‘weird,’ awkward person and that [who you are] is not necessarily a bad thing. … It’s accepted,” he explains.
Group therapy: Meer says that group therapy works well for neurodivergent clients who are struggling with social situations. “Group therapy is good because it’s going to be easier to communicate with people who are of the same identity group, and there’s this baseline of what [neurodivergent people] already understand,” he says.
Digital tools: Technology, such as texts, video chats and online multiplayer, can be a useful tool to help neurodivergent clients work on communication and develop friendships, Meer says. Even the new AI tool ChatGPT can help neurodivergent adults with communication. Some of Meer’s clients, for example, struggle with what is appropriate to write in a work email and how to clearly communicate what they want or need, but using digital tools such as ChatGPT can help them write an email or provide them with a template to follow, he says.

Strengthening support

Neurotypical counselors working with neurodivergent clients should learn more about neurodiversity as well as their own biases around social skills and neurodivergence. “You need to listen to clients and really look at your biases if you are neurotypical,” Beck says. “If you are going … to teach neurotypical social skills, you need to think about if that is going to exhaust someone to the point where they have burnout or is [the advice] going to be helpful.”

One way that counselors can challenge their biases is by shifting their thinking around how they communicate with clients. Instead of assuming a client wants to use verbal communication, they can let their clients choose how they want to communicate, Beck suggests.

For example, a client may prefer to write out their responses, or they might feel more comfortable talking while walking outside. Allowing clients to choose the form of communication can help them feel more comfortable and more willing to open up, Beck says. It also might make them more comfortable using these communication methods outside of therapy, she adds.

The other important thing to keep in mind is that the goal of clinical work with neurodivergent clients is almost never to simply “make friends,” Beck says. It’s to build stronger relationships and support networks.

“It might sound obvious, but it is critical to help [neurodivergent] people find networks of people that … accept them for who they are, [that] they enjoy being around and … that they find restorative and not depleting,” she says. Social relationships should bring clients joy and happiness and not be exhausting for them.

Some adults might also want to develop and maintain romantic relationships, learn the social skills necessary to succeed in the workplace or just learn to regulate their emotions in social situations that might otherwise be overwhelming, Kulzer notes. And some neurodivergent adults don’t want friendships at all, and that’s OK. It isn’t the counselor’s position to decide if a friendship is what the client needs to be happy. But if a client does want to improve their social skills and friendships, then it’s the counselor’s job to give them the tools they need to achieve their goals without the counselor imposing their own ideas of what a relationship should look like, she says.

“Everyone wants friends for a number of reasons,” Smith says. “We’re social animals. We want to be with people. … It doesn’t matter if you’re neurotypical or neurodiverse. … Love and friendships are where we find purpose and meaning in our life.”

Samantha Cooper is a staff writer for Counseling Today. Contact her at scooper@counseling.org.

Opinions expressed and statements made in articles appearing on CT Online should not be assumed to represent the opinions of the editors or policies of the American Counseling Association.

Overcoming counselors’ hesitancy to engage with autism

By Jennifer Jenkins January 17, 2022

According to estimates from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention’s Autism and Developmental Disabilities Monitoring Network, approximately 1 in every 54 children are identified with autism spectrum disorder (ASD). As the number of diagnoses continues to increase, there will in turn be an increased need for services, including mental health services.

As a licensed associate professional counselor, AutPlay therapist and registered play therapist-in-training, I am familiar with the mental health needs presented in those with ASD. As a mother of two children with ASD, I also have a personal perspective that gives me an empathetic understanding of the autism world and the families of individuals with autism.

There is a famous saying in the autism community credited to professor and researcher Stephen Shore: “If you’ve met one person with autism, you’ve met one person with autism.”
But what does that mean, and how does it relate to the world of counseling?

ASD

ASD is a neurodevelopmental condition characterized by severe and pervasive impairments in communication and social interactions and repetitive and stereotyped patterns of behaviors. ASD is a spectrum disorder or heterogeneous and not linear, meaning that individuals are autistic in different ways. In other words, ASD symptoms fall on a continuum and present in various combinations, with some individuals showing mild symptoms in an area and others showing more severe symptoms. This is important for counselors to consider because every single person with ASD can present with their own complex and unique symptomatology. It is also meaningful to note that ASD is a lifelong diagnosis and affects the entire family.

In plain language, individuals with ASD can be described as literal, direct, honest, persistent and loyal. Additional reported characteristics include the individual being uncomfortable with direct eye contact and preferring specific textures of food and clothing. Typical behaviors include stimming, which can consist of rocking, flapping of the hands, pacing or verbal repetition. Unexpected events or changes in routine can cause distress in individuals with ASD, and their social/emotional skills are behind, exaggerated or even nonexistent. That being said, it is important to remember the heterogeneous nature of ASD; not all of the characteristics will be present in every individual with ASD.

The autism community

Interestingly, a substantial amount of dissension exists in the autism community as a whole. As the mother of two children with ASD who are very different yet similar, I have many parental opinions. My children, who are actually autistic, have their own views on autism. Furthermore, the medical community has opinions on autism, and then those individuals who are autistic have their opinions. So, who is right? How do we tell the difference, and what is our role as counselors?

It is critical to consider all evidence-based research practices and the opinions of stakeholders (i.e., medical professionals, parents, and individuals with ASD). However, it is important to know how we, as counselors specifically, can help and what role we can play to assist the ASD population.

Within the autism community, there are individuals with ASD who dislike applied behavior analysis (ABA) therapy; they want the word disorder to be changed and have very insightful opinions. In addition, there must be a standard in identifying autism in the medical community. Some commonality through the newest definition in the fifth edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders is the best attempt to have a standard definition for ASD for all stakeholders. Finally, parents of children with ASD, like myself, have a variety of opinions. As a parent, I want to hear the voices of those who are actually autistic, but I also know that certain therapies did work and helped my children achieve as much as they have so far in life.

As counselors, it is essential to think of our helping role and how we might have a positive impact on the mental health of individuals with ASD.

ASD and mental health

So, what mental health needs do individuals with ASD really have, and are those not just symptoms of the ASD diagnosis? Although that is an intriguing suggestion, it is just that — a suggestion. The research on ASD and mental health reveals that psychiatric comorbidity for children with ASD is as high as 70%-75%. The most common areas of comorbidity are anxiety disorders, attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), depression and eating disorders. Overall emotional regulation can be internalized (anxiety, depression or OCD) or externalized (tantrums, crying and acting out).

Anxiety and depression in ASD are common, and clinical studies have found that clinically significant anxiety symptoms are associated with increased irritability, sleep disturbance, disruptive behaviors, inattentiveness and health problems. Anxiety in ASD can exacerbate typical ASD symptoms such as social impairment, negatively affect daily living skills and adversely influence relationships with teachers, peers and family. Failure to recognize or treat anxiety associated with ASD leads to unhelpful management of symptoms, whereas treatment can improve independent function.

Depression is four times more likely to occur in individuals with ASD than in their neurotypical peers. Typically, depression occurs more in the teen or adolescent years and carries into adulthood. Studies on depression and ASD have found that depression increases with age due to social and communication deficits combined with perseverative behaviors.

Emotional regulation is another core area of concern. Emotional regulation is the concept of controlling the intensity of one’s emotions, at either a conscious or unconscious level, before or after a triggering event. In describing emotional regulation as it applies to ASD, Rebecca Shaffer and colleagues, writing in the Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders (2019), concluded that emotional regulation can be adaptive or maladaptive. Adaptive regulation implements effective coping strategies, whereas maladaptive regulation is associated with behavioral challenges. Overall, children and adolescents with ASD struggle with emotional regulation, thus reducing their ability to cope with current and future stressors.

Individuals with ASD have difficulty with social and emotional understanding related to adopting the perspective of others or perspective-taking. Some research on individuals with ASD who have demonstrated higher levels of adaptive emotional regulation has also shown greater prosocial behaviors and increased social development.

Evidence-based practices

ABA is considered the “gold standard” in the treatment of children with ASD. ABA is an empirically evaluated treatment that effectively reduces inappropriate behaviors and increases learning, communication and appropriate behaviors. The professionals who have the education and training to utilize ABA in practice are called board certified behavior analysts (BCBAs) and registered behavior therapists (RBTs). These professionals are trained in how and when to use specific approaches, with the BCBA establishing the plan and the RBT executing the plan. If the behaviors of an individual are deemed maladaptive or socially unacceptable, they can be altered or changed by applying ABA principles.

Although ABA is considered the gold standard, there are some limitations to ABA, such as defining socially acceptable behavior, which depends on the culture. Additional limitations can include waitlists to access ABA services, the time commitment for services (many BCBAs will recommend a minimum of 10-20 hours of ABA per week for individuals), and financial considerations, because these services are not consistently covered by all insurance plans. Within the field of ABA, researchers such as Justin B. Leaf and colleagues, writing in Behavior Analysis in Practice in 2017, have expressed concern that the training and assessment content is not extensive enough or consistent with current research for appropriate training in the overall implementation of behavior therapy.

Finally, it should be noted that ABA is a behavioral approach and does not address the mental health needs of children or adolescents with ASD.

What about CBT?

If I received a nickel for every time that cognitive behavior therapy (CBT) was suggested for my children with ASD, I would be a very, very rich mom. As a counselor, I understand the robust research basis of CBT, and I even use it in practice. So, why would I have any thoughts other than, “Yes, use CBT”?

In the world of ASD, children who understand their diagnosis even a tiny bit are told that they think differently, that their brain works differently. With CBT, we would suddenly be telling them that their thoughts are irrational. The mom in me is like, “Great, my children are going to need therapy on top of their therapy.”

In my practice, I have heard from many other ASD families and caregivers who have also been told to try CBT. They question whether their child possesses the mental understanding to comprehend CBT techniques. CBT is talk therapy. In addition, there is the question of whether CBT is developmentally appropriate. CBT requires more complex, symbolic, abstract, metacognitive, consequential and hypothetical thinking, consistent with the greater cognitive sophistication of adults, not that of children or adolescents with ASD.

Counselors’ hesitations

There is limited research on counselors working with the ASD population and, again, ABA is typically the first treatment modality suggested. However, ABA is a behavioral treatment and not appropriate for social-emotional and overall mental health needs.

So, why are counselors hesitant? One of the first concerns is that individuals with ASD do not respond the same way to treatment interventions as neurotypical children do. That means that services are unprepared to adapt, support and treat this population. Some counselors mention a lack of training. Most counselors feel comfortable treating anxiety and depression, but the lack of training and understanding of individuals with ASD prevents some counselors from engaging in therapy with this population. Another concern counselors may have about working with the ASD population is that the therapy process can be challenging due to a lack of clear treatment goals, complex presentation, considerable time spent on care coordination and a slow rate of progress.

The good news? Despite these challenges, many counselors have reported a willingness to serve the ASD population, especially when provided with better training and interventions.

Therapeutic alliance and ASD

The counselor’s magic wand! The therapeutic alliance is a known contributor to treatment outcomes in counseling. The therapeutic relationship between child and counselor strongly influences the productiveness and progression in the child’s journey to personal growth and self-healing.

For children with ASD, the therapeutic alliance is thought to account for a significant portion of therapeutic outcomes. Overall, the therapeutic alliance encourages clients’ compliance with treatment and motivates them to engage in optimal emotional processing. Finally, the therapeutic alliance is essential with children with ASD because it:

Serves as a model for relationships with others
Provides them an environment in which to learn and practice social skills and receive feedback
Helps them improve their overall functioning by providing them with a better understanding of themselves and others

A therapeutic working relationship is best established with a child through play, and building this relationship is an essential element of any therapeutic process.

Play therapy

Play is an instinctive way of expression and exploration for children. Play acts as a medium of expressing a child’s inner world and needs and allows the child to alter reality and make it more manageable. Play is critical because it provides a platform for the child to express symbolically what they are unable to put into words.

As defined by the Association for Play Therapy, play therapy is the “systematic use of a theoretical model to establish an interpersonal process wherein trained play therapists use the therapeutic powers of play to help clients prevent or resolve psychosocial difficulties and achieve optimal growth and development.”

Play therapy has been shown to be effective in addressing a wide range of children’s presenting problems, including emotional and behavioral issues. In play therapy, children use toys, art supplies and sensory media (e.g., clay, play dough, sand) to communicate through action rather than through words, thoughts, feelings and experiences. Play therapy can be directive (structured/focused) or nondirective (humanistic) in nature.

Play therapy has been established as a developmentally appropriate intervention for children and adolescents, in contrast to the traditional counseling approach of talk therapy. Play therapy is appropriate for children because of their limited ability to think abstractly. Play is considered the natural form of expression for children, allowing them to work through issues that are appropriate to their developmental level. Play is naturally reinforcing, making it an easy way to engage children in working on their difficulties.

Counselors use skills in play therapy such as tracking to follow along with play and stating aloud what the child is doing in order to show attending. Play therapists restate things said in play, help summarize and organize what is happening in the play and reflect back feelings when expressed by the child.

Play therapy and ASD

Given the heterogeneous nature of an ASD diagnosis, a diverse intervention may be the best option to treat the variabilities. With a child with ASD, there is a need for therapeutic flexibility, which calls for a therapist possibly changing their style of work, expanding their theoretical orientation and actively seeking approaches that can best address a particular child’s needs and concerns. Play therapy is appropriate for children with ASD because it provides opportunities to engage in play activities, improving empathy through the development of social, language and cognitive skills and overall relationships.

Another challenge with children with ASD is communication. Through play therapy, toys become the child’s primary means of expression, giving them the ability to project their feelings on ambiguous stimuli. When play occurs in a safe, caring and culturally sensitive environment, children can freely express themselves. This expression allows them to work on self-esteem and social anxieties without fear of breaking the rules. With play as a therapeutic technique, children have the opportunity to learn about their world through inquiry and exploration.

There are various theoretical underpinnings for play therapy, including psychoanalytic and Jungian play therapy, child-centered play therapy, cognitive-behavioral play therapy, filial play therapy, Theraplay and AutPlay therapy. This is not a comprehensive list of all the play therapy modalities. Counselors can easily find a natural theoretical connection with play therapy.

Play therapy certification is a post-licensure credential and includes the following credentials: registered play therapist, registered play therapist supervisor and school-based registered play therapist. Play therapists undergo extensive training, supervision and education in play therapy to earn these credentials. The Association for Play Therapy (a4pt.org) is the national professional society that governs the play therapy credentials. It also provides many resources for professionals, including extensive research, training and education.

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Jennifer Jenkins is a doctoral candidate in the counselor education and supervision program at Capella University. She is a licensed associate professional counselor and former school counselor. She works in a private practice in Warner Robins, Georgia, where she specializes in helping clients and families with developmental disabilities. Contact her at jjenkins72@capellauniversity.edu.

Counseling Today reviews unsolicited articles written by American Counseling Association members. To access writing guidelines and tips for having an article accepted for publication, visit ct.counseling.org/feedback.

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Opinions expressed and statements made in articles appearing on CT Online should not be assumed to represent the opinions of the editors or policies of the American Counseling Association.

Seeing the whole gifted child

By Lindsey Phillips November 30, 2020

Assessing symptoms and determining a treatment plan for clients is never a simple or straightforward task. That can be especially true when it comes to working with gifted and twice-exceptional clients.

Imagine that a second-grader who is highly intelligent comes to your counseling office. The child has some intense interests, which is not uncommon with individuals who are gifted, and they struggle with emotion regulation, which appears to be related to the child’s perfectionism and low frustration tolerance. You might assume that this client’s struggles are just a natural consequence of being gifted.

Emily Kircher-Morris, a licensed professional counselor (LPC) at Unlimited Potential Counseling & Education Center in O’Fallon, Missouri, made this assumption. It wasn’t until her client entered the fourth grade that Kircher-Morris learned that giftedness alone couldn’t “explain away” the student’s emotional struggles. After experiencing a major event, the client’s problems increased to the point that Kircher-Morris referred him to a psychologist for a full differential diagnosis. Upon receiving the results, she was shocked to find out that her client was not only gifted but also autistic.

“I had fallen into the [common] beliefs about giftedness: That the [emotional struggles] were just sensory intensity or perfectionism,” says Kircher-Morris, an American Counseling Association member who specializes in gifted and high-ability individuals. “I missed how intense his meltdowns were and that his intense interests were related to autism, not giftedness.”

It’s true that individuals who are gifted may possess an intense interest, but they can communicate about other topics in addition to that passion, whereas someone with autism spectrum disorder can’t easily talk about other topics, Kircher-Morris explains.

To make an accurate assessment of a gifted client, professional clinical counselors must first know what “giftedness” even means. The problem is that the exact determinants and measurements for giftedness vary from state to state and even school to school. But according to the National Association for Gifted Children (NAGC), individuals deemed to be gifted or talented have the capability to perform at higher levels than their peers, and they require modifications to their educational experience to learn and to realize their potential.

Neither Kircher-Morris nor James Bishop, an LPC at Blank Slate Therapy in Frisco, Texas, distinguish between “gifted” and “high achieving” because they say some individuals need to be cognitively challenged regardless of whether they meet the formal definition of being gifted. And sometimes gifted individuals have learning disabilities or mental health issues that require them to get help — a concept that can be difficult for individuals who are used to having things come easily to them, Kircher-Morris points out.

(Mis)Identifying giftedness

There is also a substantial amount of anecdotal information, as well as misconceptions, about giftedness, and Bishop, executive director of the Passionate Mind Institute, warns that even mental health professionals can fall prey to pseudoscience on the topic. For example, some counselors too easily embrace overexcitability as a common characteristic of gifted individuals even though there isn’t much current research to support the belief, he says.

People may incorrectly assume that someone cannot be gifted if they are not doing well in school or that gifted individuals never need help, Bishop continues. Some also believe that individuals who are gifted are more prone to depression, but research shows they are as well-adjusted, if not more so, than their peers in the general population, he adds.

Such misconceptions, as well as concern about clinical misdiagnoses, led Bishop, a member of ACA, to conduct a study to test the ability of mental health professionals to recognize gifted characteristics in presenting clients using vignettes that illustrated common issues and characteristics related to giftedness. Half of the 330 participants were prompted that giftedness could be a factor, but regardless of that prompting, Bishop found the majority of participants still clung to the diagnosis of a disorder over an assessment of giftedness. (See “The potential of misdiagnosis of high IQ youth by practicing mental health professionals: A mixed methods study” in the journal High Ability Studies.)

Bishop’s study suggests that even mental health professionals, not just educators, have trouble factoring giftedness into their clinical assessments. “Being mindful and educating yourself on the real struggles that gifted [individuals] face can make you a better clinician in terms of assessing a gifted [client] and being able to determine whether their problems are the result of a disorder or are simply part of their gifted nature,” says Bishop, who chairs the NAGC Social and Emotional Development Network.

But finding training in this area can be challenging for counselors. Bishop says he had to get a doctorate in educational psychology to become formally educated in the subject. He isn’t aware of any counseling program that offers a concentration in giftedness.

The lack of adequate training is a problem because, according to Michelle Tolison, a licensed clinical mental health counselor in Charlotte, North Carolina, giftedness should be a specialty just like trauma. In fact, she believes that without being adequately trained, counselors can do extensive damage if they work with clients who are gifted.

Bishop, author of a forthcoming book on anxiety and giftedness for parents, recommends that counselors attend national and state gifted and talented conferences for opportunities “to dive into the subject, meet people in the field and get a sense of how they [as counselors] can play a role.” In addition to the resources provided by Supporting Emotional Needs of the Gifted (sengifted.org) and NAGC (nagc.org), Bishop and Tolison, owner and lead therapist at Dandelion Family Counseling, recommend reading Giftedness 101 (by Linda Kreger Silverman) and Misdiagnosis and Dual Diagnosis of Gifted Children and Adults (by James T. Webb et al.).

The gifted gap

Most gifted children are identified through testing or teacher referrals in elementary schools. The problem is that there is no one standard test used in schools to determine giftedness. On top of that, many school districts don’t test every student. Instead, they rely on teacher referrals, which, as Renae Mayes, an associate professor in the counseling program in the Department of Disability and Psychoeducational Studies at the University of Arizona, points out, introduces bias.

To highlight this potential bias, Mayes, an ACA member whose research focuses on gifted education and special education for students of color in urban environments, poses several insightful questions: How are teachers trained to recognize giftedness? How are they trained to recognize that giftedness exists in many different kinds of bodies? Will teachers see a Black student who can’t sit still in their seat and has lots of energy as someone who is gifted and excited about learning, or will they perceive the child negatively — as someone who has a behavioral problem or wants to disrupt the learning environment?

The sad reality is that the current method of identifying giftedness has led to an underrepresentation of individuals from marginalized backgrounds in gifted programs. Researchers at the Thomas B. Fordham Institute recently found that in schools that feature gifted programs, only three states enroll more than 10% of their Black and Hispanic students in such programs; in 22 states, that figure stands at less than 5%.

Black and Hispanic students are also overrepresented in special education, Mayes points out. When children are put in special education, it often becomes the only lens through which they are perceived, she says, and the likelihood of them also being identified as gifted dramatically decreases. As Mayes notes, these children tend to be viewed through a deficit perspective, which often incorporates stereotypical understandings of culture and disability rather than allowing children to be seen for their gifts and talents.

According to the article “Myths and research regarding the socio-emotional needs of the gifted,” published in the September issue of The Gifted Education Review (of which Bishop serves as co-editor), individuals from different cultures may not be as readily identified as gifted. Among the reasons highlighted in the article are because these individuals’ cultural norms differ from those of the prevalent culture (e.g., what might be viewed as positive assertiveness in one culture might be perceived as too aggressive in another) or because they are gifted in their first language, which differs from the English language programs in their schools.

“There’s a big push in gifted education to modify how we identify students and make it tied to what kids need academically,” says Kircher-Morris, the president and founder of the Gifted Support Network, a nonprofit dedicated to helping the families of gifted and high-ability learners. “And schools are getting better about identifying kids younger, and they’re doing more universal screening,” which helps remove issues of bias that can arise with teacher and parent referrals.

Twice-exceptionality

Gifted individuals may also have a special need or disability. According to NAGC, the term twice-exceptional (also known as “2e”) describes gifted children who have the potential for high achievement but also have one or more disabilities, including learning disabilities, speech and language disorders, emotional/behavioral disorders, physical disabilities, autism spectrum disorder or other impairments such as attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD).

“People don’t often think that individuals who are gifted can also have [a] disability,” Kircher-Morris says. “It’s kind of counterintuitive, so you end up with kids who are exceptionally cognitively able but perhaps they have ADHD or are autistic and they need a 504 plan or perhaps even an individualized education program.”

Kircher-Morris, chair-elect of the NAGC Social and Emotional Development Network, has noticed that sometimes teachers don’t feel as though they have to make accommodations in environments such as advanced placement classes. These teachers just expect that if a student is in such a class, they should be able to do the work. She often reminds educators that not taking a challenging course is not an accommodation. Twice-exceptional students still need to be challenged; they just need some help along the way.

It can be easy for counselors and other mental health professionals to miss a diagnosis of twice-exceptionality, says Kircher-Morris, who hosts the Mind Matters podcast, which focuses on the development of high-ability and twice-exceptional people across the life span. She is also the author of the forthcoming book Teaching Twice-Exceptional Learners in Today’s Classroom.

Kircher-Morris has had several clients get psychological evaluations and come back with a misdiagnosis. She recalls an example in which one of her elementary-age gifted clients was having meltdowns at school, becoming emotionally dysregulated and having trouble understanding nonverbal cues. Kircher-Morris knew the client was gifted, and she strongly suspected he was also autistic. The boy’s parents were reluctant to accept that label because of the stigma surrounding autism. It was easier for them to just say, “He’s quirky because he’s gifted.”

When Kircher-Morris finally convinced the parents to get a psychological assessment for their son, she wrote a letter to the person doing the assessment and told them the child was gifted to ensure that would be factored in. But the person doing the assessment did not specialize in giftedness and ended up diagnosing the child as depressed because sometimes when he had meltdowns, he would say, “I hate myself. I wish I could die.”

Kircher-Morris knew the client wasn’t clinically depressed. Instead, he was having big emotions and wasn’t sure how to talk about them, she says. She adds that one day of testing and questionnaires is not enough to fully understand and diagnosis a person.

Kircher-Morris still works with this student, and now that he is in high school, his autism is more pronounced. When his schedule shifted and he had to start showering in the mornings instead of the evenings, he didn’t handle it well at first. Kircher-Morris worked with him on regulating his emotions around this change. The student also has some issues with friends at school, but other people in his life often view him solely through a lens of giftedness and assume that he shouldn’t have any trouble communicating, Kircher-Morris says. They don’t realize that as a twice-exceptional adolescent, he sometimes does have certain challenges.

Trying to identify a client as twice-exceptional is even more difficult because of the concept of masking. As Tolison notes, gifted individuals with a learning disability can fall into one of three categories:

1) The individual’s advanced intellect compensates for their learning disability.

2) The learning disability or special need overshadows the person’s giftedness.

3) The giftedness and learning disability mask each other to the point that the individual appears to have average intelligence.

Research shows that twice-exceptional children are often diagnosed later than their peers because their struggles aren’t as noticeable initially, Kircher-Morris says. The fifth edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders states that individuals with autism, for example, may be able to compensate for their comparative lack of social skills until social expectations exceed their abilities, she notes. A gifted child who is also autistic may not have a language delay when they are little, but by the time they get to middle school or high school, their emotional and social struggles and rigid thinking become more problematic.

“And we’ve now lost all of that time to be proactive and to support them and to help them build the skills they need to be successful, confident and happy,” Kircher-Morris adds.

To avoid mislabeling clients, Tolison, a registered play therapist who works with children who are twice-exceptional (particularly those with ADHD), advises counselors to always consider what the client’s behavior is communicating. Are they fidgeting in the classroom because they are understimulated, or is it a symptom of ADHD?

Therapists need to recognize “the blend of symptomology between gifted and diagnosis,” Tolison continues. For example, mental health professionals shouldn’t presume a client is autistic just because the client is smart and struggles to socialize with peers, she says. Instead, she advises digging deeper and considering whether the symptoms decrease or dissipate when the client is in an ideal setting, such as being around others who have interests similar to theirs.

Giftedness and special education are often seen as being opposite ends of the continuum, Mayes says, but she asserts they are separate continuums and can exist simultaneously. “The disability is the how you do something,” she explains. Even though an individual may need to do a task or skill differently or may need help, they can still possess a higher cognitive ability, notes Mayes, who has published several articles on this topic, including “College and career readiness groups for gifted Black high school students with disabilities” in The Journal for Specialists in Group Work.

Mayes recounts a real case example of how these continuums can overlap in a client: A Black student who was in a gifted program in middle school had an accident and suffered a traumatic brain injury. The injury caused the boy to get bad headaches if he sat for long periods of time, and his vision became blurry. But his cognitive ability was unchanged. He just needed some accommodations to help him at school. His teachers didn’t believe he was actually having headaches, however. They assumed he was just trying to get out of doing the work. The boy internalized their disbelief and told his mother the teachers were looking at him as if he were a “lazy Black kid,” a stereotype he knew was prevalent at the school. Soon thereafter, the boy’s grades started to suffer.

His mother became a big advocate for her son and pushed for a special education and gifted label for him. Even so, the school refused. It wasn’t until the boy entered high school and the school counselor joined the mother’s fight that they finally got some accommodations for the student. When the boy translated his talent for STEM (science, technology, engineering and math) into a passion for band, the band director also advocated for him.

This student had to reconfigure his identity as not just a gifted student but as a gifted student with a traumatic brain injury, and he had to learn to self-advocate, Mayes says.

Asynchronous development

Gifted children’s cognitive, emotional and physical development are often asynchronous, meaning that their intellectual development outpaces their maturity or emotional development. Even though their intellectual skills are advanced, their social and emotional skills may lag behind.

“Cognitive giftedness is not necessarily the same as emotional maturity,” Kircher-Morris says. Because gifted children are often highly verbal and speak as if they are mini-adults, people incorrectly assume that their behavioral and emotional regulation skills will also be advanced, she explains. So, counselors should consider clients’ emotional development along with their cognitive development.

According to Tolison, “There can be upward of a 12-year spread between a child’s intellectual age … [and] their social/emotional age.” For example, a twice-exceptional child with ADHD could be 8 biologically, but with the intellectual capabilities of a 12-year-old and the social and emotional development of a 6-year-old. And at times, the child might have emotional outbursts that are on par with a 4-year-old, Tolison adds.

Tolison often helps her clients first understand emotional language. She finds the “anger iceberg” exercise helpful for teaching emotion identification and awareness. Because some clients might be gifted in empathy, this process is less about identifying emotions and more about learning how to express them, she adds. Tolison then helps clients focus on executive functioning skills such as planning ahead, organizing one’s thoughts, flexible thinking and demonstrating self-control — all of which can be challenging for individuals who are twice-exceptional. She may play chess or Othello with clients to help them work on impulse control, for example.

Kircher-Morris engages clients’ higher-level cognitive skills by adjusting her counseling approach. This can be as simple as using a more advanced technique with a younger client (similar to grade skipping in school), or it may involve tailoring a technique to make it more analytical and creative.

The emotion wheel, which describes eight basic emotions and their varying degrees, is a great tool for helping clients identify and name their emotions, Kircher-Morris says. But this tool may not stimulate gifted clients enough to keep them engaged, so she alters it to make it more cognitively challenging. Her emotion wheel is mostly blank. She leaves a few emotion words in different places around the wheel and works with clients to fill in the blank spaces. Sometimes they look up words in the thesaurus or online to find the “just right” word, and then clients evaluate and determine which words should go on the wheel. This activity builds on the higher-level vocabulary that gifted clients often possess, and it provides them with some autonomy in session, she says.

Letting gifted clients direct (but not dictate) sessions

Kircher-Morris finds that gifted children are often unaware that anything is “wrong.” They can be skeptical of counseling at first, especially if their parents are the ones who initiated it. And because these children are gifted, she says, they often want to know the “why” before they completely trust and participate in different counseling approaches.

For that reason, Kircher-Morris encourages these clients to ask questions and takes time to explain the psychology behind the interventions. She also allows clients to explore what works best for them and to develop their own ideas about what would be helpful.

When Kircher-Morris introduces the cognitive triangle exercise (which emphasizes the relationship between one’s thoughts, feelings and behaviors), she moves beyond just drawing the diagram on a dry-erase board. She also poses a hypothetical example to help clients better understand the underlying principle behind the activity.

An example she often uses is a student who has an upcoming math test. She asks, “What uncomfortable emotions might they be experiencing?” After she and the client brainstorm some possible feelings, she asks, “If they’re experiencing those uncomfortable emotions, then what thoughts might they be having?” She draws speech bubbles on the board, and she and the client fill them in together.

Then they discuss how these thoughts might influence the hypothetical student’s behavior, where the student could intervene and how this would change the outcome. Running through this hypothetical allows clients to better understand the way the exercise works before they apply it to their own situations, Kircher-Morris says.

The fact that gifted individuals have higher-level thinking skills also means they are more likely to find fault in others’ logic, Kircher-Morris says. In fact, because these individuals are often brighter than their parents, teachers and others with whom they interact, counselors might find themselves trapped in a logical corner when a gifted client pokes holes in their reasoning. Should this happen, Kircher-Morris advises counselors not to engage in a power struggle.

“Don’t try to assert your intelligence or the information that you have because that’s going to damage the rapport,” Kircher-Morris says. Instead, her approach is to acknowledge the valid point the client has made. For example, she may say, “I hadn’t thought about it that way. I’ve seen this counseling technique work with other clients, but maybe it won’t work with you. Let’s figure out what will work. Do you think any part of that activity might be relevant for you?”

Tolison agrees that gifted clients benefit from being able to have some control over their therapy, but she cautions counselors not to let them dictate the direction of treatment. She says she often has parents who come to her because they previously worked with another therapist who allowed their gifted child to take control to the point that they weren’t making progress.

Often, gifted clients are excited to engage in a topic they are passionate about, but that can dominate the session. However, as Tolison points out, counselors can turn that passion into a therapeutic intervention. She once had a client who wanted to talk about the dwarf planet Pluto for most of their sessions. She seized on that as an opportunity to teach the client about mindfulness and social awareness.

She used the phrase “I noticed” to stop him from discussing Pluto: “I noticed you’ve talked 20 minutes now on Pluto. I love that you are sharing your passion with me, but can we take a break because I’m a little exhausted from learning that information right now. Let’s talk about something new.” This statement set a limit for the client while also helping them become more mindful of the passage of time and of other people’s feelings, Tolison says.

Tolison also encourages clinicians to be humble when working with gifted clients. “Sometimes the most therapeutic thing you can do for a profoundly gifted kid is be excited about what they can teach you because in that [process], they are also learning,” she says.

Embracing neurodiversity

Kircher-Morris’ goal is to help normalize the fact that different types of brain wiring exist. People with this brain wiring might be divergent from the norm, but that doesn’t mean something is “wrong” with them. Being gifted or twice-exceptional is simply part of the human condition. Normalizing neurodiversity will encourage people to realize that they need help and give them the courage to ask for it, she says.

Counselors are great at understanding the individual needs of clients, she continues, but unless they consider all the factors, including a person’s cognitive ability, then they may misread the situation and the client’s true needs. For example, if a cognitively gifted child is having a hard time making friends, a counselor might focus simply on helping the child build social skills and self-confidence. But then the counselor would be missing the opportunity to consider other possible factors such as bullying, the child’s high stress levels, their feelings of isolation or others’ upward expectations of them — all of which could inhibit the child’s ability to form authentic relationships, Kircher-Morris explains.

So, she advises counselors working with this population to make sure they view their clients’ struggles through a lens of giftedness. How does giftedness or twice-exceptionality influence these clients’ experiences and reality? Clinicians must also figure out how to leverage clients’ strengths with their cognitive abilities to work through any issues they are having, Kircher-Morris says.

Mayes says counselors must be more holistic in understanding clients and see them as more than their struggles or even their giftedness. “We need to take a broader approach in our professional development,” she says, “so we can start understanding more fully individuals’ identities beyond giftedness to include culture, class, gender identity, affectional identities and so much more.”

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Lindsey Phillips is a contributing writer to Counseling Today and a UX content strategist. Contact her at hello@lindseynphillips.com or through her website at lindseynphillips.com.

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Opinions expressed and statements made in articles appearing on CT Online should not be assumed to represent the opinions of the editors or policies of the American Counseling Association.

Supporting families on their autism journeys

By Lindsey Phillips May 1, 2020

Maria Davis-Pierre, a licensed mental health counselor (LMHC) in Lake Worth, Florida, first suspected her daughter might be on the autism spectrum when she was 6 months old and showed signs of sensory issues. Then at 10 months, her daughter, who had been saying simple words such as “mama,” “dada” and “ball,” suddenly stopped speaking. When Davis-Pierre and her husband tried to get their daughter to mimic them saying the words, she acted as if she had forgotten them. As a therapist, Davis-Pierre understood the importance of early intervention, so she was proactive about getting her daughter a diagnosis. But it wasn’t easy.

Her pediatrician referred her to health professionals who specialized in developmental delays in infants and toddlers. They tested her daughter and thought she had autism spectrum disorder (ASD), but because she was still so young (around 18 months), they didn’t feel comfortable officially diagnosing her. They recommended she see a pediatric neurologist.

After more tests (which cost the family thousands of dollars out of pocket), the pediatric neurologist agreed about the presence of ASD but was also uncomfortable officially diagnosing the child at such a young age. Davis-Pierre told the doctor she was going to sit in his office every day until her daughter got a diagnosis. One week later, that finally happened.

Davis-Pierre thought the next steps would be easy, especially given that both she and her husband are in the health care field. But what she experienced was more frustration.

“At no point — even with the neurologist — was there a check-in with the parent: ‘OK, this is the diagnosis. This is what happens next,’” Davis-Pierre recalls. “It was, ‘OK, here’s your paperwork. This is the diagnosis. Now, go figure it out.’” According to Davis-Pierre, the health care professionals didn’t provide her family with resources or give any consideration to how the family’s culture would factor into their daughter’s treatment.

When Davis-Pierre spoke with other parents of children on the autism spectrum, she found out that this treatment was the norm. And it left her — and the other parents — feeling overwhelmed.

This experience prompted Davis-Pierre, an American Counseling Association member, to start Autism in Black, a private practice that specializes in helping black parents of children with autism get the help they need.

In a blog post on the website GoodTherapy, Janeen Herskovitz, an LMHC in Ponte Vedra Beach, Florida, points out four areas in which counseling can help parents of children with ASD: adjusting to the diagnosis (which is often traumatic for parents), learning parenting skills, staying connected to their partners, and managing stress. Professional counselors can also help families prepare for developmental transitions, learn to effectively communicate with one another and extended family, and navigate cultural barriers.

Working through developmental transitions

ASD “is a neurodevelopmental disability, which means at different developmental stages, our clients are going to run into different developmental barriers, and they’re going to need us as counselors,” says Chris Abildgaard, a licensed professional counselor and director of the Social Learning Center in Cheshire, Connecticut. So, it’s important for counselors to understand where families are on their journeys, he points out. Is the family adjusting to the diagnosis? Are they struggling to communicate with their child? Are they helping a child through puberty? Counselors should also prepare to help families with life milestones such as going to prom, getting a driver’s license or grieving a death, Abildgaard adds.

Some families experience grief when they first learn about the ASD diagnosis, says Michael Hannon, an assistant professor of counseling at Montclair State University in New Jersey. These families will be reconciling a new reality and having to let go of certain elements of the relationship they expected to have with their child. “It’s really about [the family] learning to adjust to the needs, strengths, capacity, and some challenges of the people they love living with autism,” he adds.

Another challenging transition for parents and caregivers is when the child enters adulthood. Parents have likely been involved in every aspect of the child’s life, especially in the school system, so it is a significant adjustment when the child takes over this responsibility, Davis-Pierre says. She helps ease this transition by having parents teach their children to advocate for themselves before they reach adulthood. The more parents involve children with ASD in the day-to-day decisions about their lives and school, the more they realize that their children are capable of advocating for themselves, she says.

Abildgaard, an ACA member who specializes in ASD (and author of the 2013 Counseling Today article “Processing the ‘whole’ with clients on the autism spectrum”), has noticed that families sometimes push their child to do something that the child isn’t ready for or doesn’t want. For example, parents often ask him how they can make their child have a friend. Counselors need to educate parents that relationships take time and that individuals on the spectrum may not fully understand the intricacies of relationships and friendships. They will need support and coaching in this area well into their late teens, early 20s or beyond, he says.

Counselors can also help parents make plans and prepare for certain life events and developmental transitions, Abildgaard says. He finds visuals useful in helping families with a child on the spectrum to process events. Recently, he had a family who was going on a trip to a large city. He brought out his whiteboard and on one side wrote down all the thoughts and feelings the parents were having about the upcoming trip, such as feeling anxious that their child would have a tantrum and run from them. Then, Abildgaard asked the parents to consider their child’s perspective and why he might have a tantrum. On the other side of the whiteboard, he wrote down the child’s thoughts and feelings, such as being overwhelmed by all the lights and sounds.

This activity helped the parents realize the link between their own thoughts, emotions and behaviors and those of their child. It also started a discussion about proactive strategies the parents could take to decrease the likelihood of their child experiencing sensory overload. This, in turn, lowered their anxiety about the trip, Abildgaard says.

Helping families stay connected

Having a child with autism affects the entire family system, Abildgaard says. It affects how parents interact with each other, how parents interact with each of their children, how siblings interact with each other, and how the family interacts with extended family members.

Couples don’t typically preemptively discuss the possibility of a having a child with a disability, Davis-Pierre notes. So, when a child is first diagnosed with autism, parents often have to reassess the roles, expectations, responsibilities and core values of the family, she says.

Counselors may also have to coach families through complicated life events such as divorce. Abildgaard, an adjunct professor in the Department of Special Education at the University of Saint Joseph, reminds counselors that regardless of the situations that families bring to them, it is important to break these situations down into manageable parts for the clients.

When the parents of a client with ASD were going through a divorce, Abildgaard, a nationally certified school psychologist, brainstormed with the parents how best to explain the situation to their son. Abildgaard also learned from the client’s school that the child had been making comments about the divorce there. Abildgaard says his role as a counselor was to help the client process and express his feelings about the divorce. To do this, he said, “Tell me some things your eyes are noticing that are different at home.” He made his language concrete and specific, which allowed the child with ASD to talk about what he had been noticing, such as his parents arguing more. The boy also said he was scared to talk about these things with his parents, so he and Abildgaard worked through his anxiety together.

Then, Abildgaard brought the entire family into his office to discuss these issues. He chose to have them come in during the morning hours when his office would be quiet so the family would be more comfortable and not feel rushed or distracted.

Balancing the parenting of both neurotypical and neurodiverse siblings is another common challenge that Hannon and Davis-Pierre hear about from their clients. They try to help parents learn how to better communicate with their children and to maximize and be intentional about the time they spend with each child.

Hannon, a licensed associate counselor in New Jersey, uses empathizing strategies to help parents understand what their neurotypical child is feeling. For instance, he asks, “What would your neurotypical child say about this experience right now?” and “What would the child say about how you attend to the sibling with autism compared to how you attend to his or her needs?” This exercise allows parent to empathize and reconcile some outstanding issues with their neurotypical children, he explains.

Davis-Pierre’s clients also report struggling to know how to engage with their neurodiverse children. “We’re so used to looking for [the child to verbalize] … the actual feeling that we’re not looking at the behavior of what the child is showing,” she says.

She has parents role-play to gain perspective on what the child might be thinking or feeling and to increase awareness of behavioral patterns. (For example, Davis-Pierre has noticed that her daughter expresses happiness by flapping her arms and spinning in circles.) If appropriate, she has the child role-play with the parent, but if that is not possible, Davis-Pierre does it herself. To increase understanding, parents can also keep a behavioral journal or use the picture exchange communication system, which allows individuals with little or no verbal communication to present a feeling card to communicate their feelings, Davis-Pierre adds.

Children on the spectrum pick up on their parents’ and caregivers’ emotions more often than people think, Abildgaard points out. However, if they do sense these emotions, they often don’t know what to do with them. Children on the spectrum may appear to be ignoring the person or emotion, but in many cases, they just don’t have the language or perspective-taking ability to process the emotion and the “right” response to it, he explains.

So, Abildgaard works with parents to help them process their own emotions and then explain those emotions to their children so they aren’t left to interpret them on their own. In fact, parents can overtly model how to handle certain emotions such as anger or frustration. Abildgaard often suggests that parents (especially those with younger children on the spectrum) put themselves in “time out” to show their children that even adults need breaks.

Cultural implications

According to a 2014 report from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 1 in 59 children in the United States have been identified with ASD. But this number doesn’t take into consideration cultural and racial implications such as delayed diagnosis. According to a 2019 news report on Spectrum, which bills itself as “the leading source of news and opinion on autism research,” black children with autism are often diagnosed later than white children, misdiagnosed more frequently with other conditions such as behavioral problems or intellectual disability, and underrepresented in studies of autism.

Hannon attributes the disparities in diagnosis rates to 1) inequalities in access to health care, 2) mistrust of health care systems among people of color and 3) greater misdiagnosis of symptoms in minority children as behavioral rather than developmental.

Davis-Pierre says the history of racism and discrimination in U.S. health care may persuade some black families not to be completely honest with health care professionals when discussing their children because they fear their children will be taken away. For example, frustration and exhaustion are normal responses for families caring for a child on the autism spectrum, perhaps leading someone to say or think to themselves in a particular moment, “I just can’t do this another day.” But many black families fear serious repercussions should they admit to such passing thoughts with a counselor, Davis-Pierre explains.

Even the treatments families choose for their children are often informed by one’s culture. Applied behavior analysis (ABA) aims to help individuals on the spectrum increase behaviors that are helpful and reduce behaviors that may be harmful to them by positively reinforcing desired behaviors. Debate has swirled, however, over whether ABA is helpful or harmful. According to a 2016 article on Spectrum, some have criticized the therapy for being too harsh in how it corrects maladaptive behaviors and for attempting to make people on the spectrum “normal” instead of advocating for neurodiversity.

But for some families, Davis-Pierre says, ABA makes sense. For example, a black child spinning in circles and banging his head against something in public will often be viewed differently than would a white child who exhibits the same behavior. In this instance, ABA can help protect the black child by helping him learn to replace the maladaptive behavior — one that could put him in danger — with a more socially accepted behavior, Davis-Pierre explains.

The harsh reality is that black people often have to operate differently in public settings because of prejudice and racism, she continues. So, she advises families to consider their child’s behavior and safety when choosing the best treatment for their child’s autism.

Davis-Pierre, author of Self-Care Affirmation Journal and Autism in Black, also finds that clinicians often don’t respect the culture of the home when treating children who are on the spectrum. A client once told Davis-Pierre that she had a therapist come into her home and not remove their shoes despite seeing a place for them by the front door. This act made the parent feel disrespected, and she no longer wanted the therapist in her house working with her child.

Another of Davis-Pierre’s clients was upset by a therapist who had made a decision involving her child without consulting the mother first. While the therapist and child were working together in the family’s home, the child wet himself. The therapist wanted to help the parents by changing the child herself. When the mother discovered that the therapist had gone through her child’s clothes drawers to find clean underwear, she felt as if the therapist had been snooping.

Abildgaard says his role as a counselor is to help clients on the autism spectrum adapt to different social situations and understand social context and social norms for particular settings and cultures. Counselors need to be aware of clients’ cultural and religious norms before instilling certain perceived social skills such as maintaining eye contact, he says. For example, as Abildgaard points out, some Asian cultures make eye contact only with certain people or in certain situations. So, counselors should understand the whole child before prioritizing what social skills or competences are most relevant to focus on in session, he asserts.

Religious beliefs can sometimes pose another barrier to seeking treatment. For instance, Davis-Pierre says, people in the black community are often taught to pray about their problems and not to discuss problems with anyone outside of the family. Counselors may assume that families who aren’t willing or enthusiastic participants in therapy are resistant, but as she points out, they may actually be having an internal struggle between seeking counseling and feeling that they are still maintaining their faith in God.

Davis-Pierre often uses genograms to help clients identify family patterns, such as other family members with a developmental disorder, or cultural values that have been passed along that no longer work for the family. Through genograms, she has noticed that her clients’ families often inherit a pattern of keeping secrets that hurts, rather than helps, the family dynamic. Davis-Pierre acknowledges that even she had a difficult time explaining to her extended family why she and her husband are so vocal about their daughter being on the autism spectrum.

Hannon and Davis-Pierre say that counselors have to be brave and willing to talk about clients’ and families’ cultures and about inequalities based on race and ability status. Starting this conversation can be as simple as including a question such as “What cultural traditions should I take into consideration?” on the intake form, Davis-Pierre says. This question shows that the clinician is already thinking about how culture affects treatment, she explains.

Supporting dads

Abildgaard argues that fathers are often overlooked when thinking about an autistic individual’s support network, so mental health professionals must do a better job of incorporating dads into the therapeutic process. He has noticed that mothers with children on the spectrum are often more proactive about independently finding and supporting each other, whereas fathers, even though they are involved in their children’s care, don’t tend to form support groups on their own. Abildgaard suggests that counselors could offer focused support services such as fathers’ groups or “dad’s night out” events to help these men learn from and bond with other fathers in similar situations.

Such support groups matter when it comes to providing care to individuals on the spectrum. Hannon, an ACA member who specializes in the psychosocial aspects of autism on fathers and families, often co-leads a group for fathers who have children with ASD. These men have reported that just being connected with other fathers who share similar experiences can be life-changing. In these groups, dads find others who speak their language and understand their journeys, which makes them feel heard, Hannon says. Groups also help fathers become more aware of their own needs and challenges and discover effective coping and adjustment strategies, he adds.

Fathers also spend a significant amount of time thinking about their children’s prognoses, their children’s futures, and the ways they can prepare their children to live full lives, Hannon says. In his dissertation, he studied the experiences of black American fathers of individuals with autism. At the ACA 2018 Conference & Expo, Hannon presented his findings from a grounded theory study on how diverse fathers orient themselves to their children’s diagnoses. Fathers often want to help their children who are on the spectrum, he continues, but if they have been raised with certain gendered expectations, counselors may need to take a few extra steps to help these dads increase their efficacy with day-to-day activities such as helping with temper tantrums.

Counselors may also need to help fathers retain focus on their emotional journeys because men are often task-oriented in how they solve problems, Hannon points out. Also, because men have often been socialized to engage only with specific emotions such as lust and anger, counselors may have to dig deeper with them to reveal the other underlying emotions. For example, counselors could suggest, “You’re angry, but it sounds like the source of your anger is fear for your child’s safety.”

Generational pushback

Parents sometimes face generational challenges in caring for their children. Hannon describes a common scenario that fathers often share with him: They leave their children in their grandparents’ care, providing suggestions for ways to best communicate with the children and guidance on particular eating preferences. To which the grandparents might respond, “We’re not doing any of that. We’ll do what we want with our grandchildren. They just need a good talking to.”

Such scenarios often leave parents of children on the spectrum feeling frustrated. If the parents and grandparents have a good, healthy relationship, then counselors can help parents learn to communicate openly and honestly with the grandparents. Hannon advises parents to lead with love and acceptance before critiquing the grandparents’ interaction with the children. Parents can first emphasize how the grandparents love their grandchildren before saying that they just want to show them additional, special ways to show love to a grandchild on the spectrum.

When Abildgaard works with grandparents who need help accepting their grandchild’s diagnosis of ASD, he starts by saying that he could use the grandparents’ help to allow him to better understand their grandchild. Once this barrier is broken down, he finds that grandparents tend to ask more questions and start honest dialogues about grandchildren who are on the spectrum.

Counselors can also help clients realize that while it is OK to establish boundaries with extended family, they should aim to set realistic boundaries that honor both the child on the spectrum and the family, Davis-Pierre says. For example, if a family depends on grandparents to provide child care, then the family must be particularly careful in setting boundaries. At the same time, the family can still have a respectful conversation with the grandparents about the needs of the child and family.

Adjusting language

Abildgaard’s clients with ASD sometimes complain that their parents always ask the same question after school: “How was your day?” Because, from their perspective, their days are always the same, the children wonder why their parents ask something they already know the answer to.

Abildgaard advises parents to instead use concrete language such as “Tell me two good things about your day and one thing you would have changed.” This phrasing gets to the heart of what parents actually want to know from their child and makes the conversation more productive, he says.

Abildgaard is also careful about the language he uses with clients with ASD and their families. Recently, the mother of one of his clients (a boy in sixth grade) told him that her son ran out of his classroom at school. When the boy walked into his office, Abildgaard said, “Tell me two good things about your day and one thing you would have changed.” This prompted the client to tell Abildgaard he had run out of his classroom.

After admitting this, the boy looked at Abildgaard, seemingly waiting to be chastised. Instead, Abildgaard asked the boy, “What do you think I’m thinking right now?”

The boy responded, “You’re thinking you are mad at me.”

Abildgaard drew a thought bubble on a whiteboard and wrote the client’s thought inside the bubble. Then he drew another thought bubble and wrote what he was actually thinking: “I’m wondering what made him run out of the room.”

The boy’s body language instantly relaxed. This exchange took Abildgaard out of the authoritarian role and shifted the conversation from focusing on the problem to focusing on how to solve the problem.

Similarly, Hannon recommends that counselors focus on strengths, and not just deficits and challenges, when working with families who have a child on the spectrum. He makes a point of asking parents about the victories they have had that week or month.

This question prompted one of Hannon’s clients to share how his son had used appropriate language and displayed empathy — a skill the child had previously struggled to demonstrate — that week.

The child’s mother had said, “I’m going to run through the shower.”

The child on the spectrum responded, “No, you can’t do that because you’re going to fall.”

Even though the child hadn’t grasped the true meaning of his mother’s words, he had shown concern for his mother and responded appropriately, which was a huge victory for this family, Hannon says.

Support often makes all the difference. Davis-Pierre and her family’s autism journey may have had a challenging start, but they eventually found health care providers who worked with them as a team. With this support, Davis-Pierre and her husband were able to stop focusing so much on the challenges and instead start enjoying their child for who she is.

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Lindsey Phillips is a contributing writer to Counseling Today and a UX content strategist. Contact her at hello@lindseynphillips.com or through her website at lindseynphillips.com.

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Opinions expressed and statements made in articles appearing on CT Online should not be assumed to represent the opinions of the editors or policies of the American Counseling Association.

Tools for navigating the world at large

By Laurie Meyers November 22, 2017

By the time children with autism spectrum disorder (ASD) are approaching elementary school age, they are already exhibiting symptoms that typically lead to lifelong social difficulties. Among these symptoms: impaired communication and interaction, an inability to self-regulate and modulate emotions, very narrow and specific interests, and sensory processing difficulties that make it difficult for them to connect with the world at large.

Many counselor practitioners may question whether they are even qualified to work with clients who have ASD. According to the individuals interviewed for this article, however, professional counselors possess a range of skills that can be particularly helpful to this client population.

Stephanie Smigiel, a licensed professional counselor (LPC) who does mobile counseling with ASD clients in the Pittsburgh area as part of the state of Pennsylvania’s behavioral health services, says clients with autism aren’t that different from other populations with which counselors work. She acknowledges that these clients often require a little extra accommodation and counselor ingenuity, but this call to be creative is one of the reasons that she particularly enjoys working with the population.

It is essential, however, that counselors understand clients with ASD and their needs, cautions Smigiel, a member of the American Counseling Association. “Ask yourself, ‘Do I have a bias? Is this a population I can see myself working with?” She notes that people with ASD can have problems controlling their aggression and says it is not uncommon for these clients, sometimes including adults, to pull her hair or scratch her arms.

Neurology tells us that the brains of those with ASD work differently. Those on the spectrum are often labeled as atypical (as opposed to neurotypical). However, those with ASD and many of the people who work with them have begun advocating for a different view: neurodiversity — or the idea that there is no single, correct neurology.

“The neurodiversity movement in the field seeks to apply a culturally competent view of people diagnosed with ASD or other neurological or neurodevelopmental diagnoses,” explains Ali Cunningham, a licensed mental health counselor (LMHC) who specializes in ASD. “As with most cultural groups who are trying to acculturate to the majority group, it is about achieving a balance of honoring individuality and uniqueness while striving to be successful in the majority.”

Cunningham says that many clients with autism struggle with wanting to maintain what makes them unique while still being able to connect with others and navigate the worlds of friendship, romance and work. Culturally sensitive treatment of clients with ASD involves helping them identify how their individuality or uniqueness is a resource while also exploring what new skills or techniques they are willing to integrate into their lives to strike that balance, she says.

“I always try to communicate the message that treatment is not intended to change who you are,” Cunningham says. “Treatment can help highlight the strengths you already have and add to them with skills or techniques that will enhance how you navigate the world and help you meet your goals.”

Boy (and girl) meets world

Because ASD presents early in life, experts in the field emphasize the importance of early intervention. One of the primary ways that professional counselors can help clients with ASD manage the challenges that come with the disorder is by targeting and teaching social skills.

Tami Sullivan, an LMHC and registered play therapist, maintains a private practice in Brockport, New York, that includes ASD as one of its specialties. She uses play therapy to connect with child clients who have autism.

“Children often make sense of their world and the people in it through play,” says Sullivan, a member of ACA. “Play can be used as an intervention [because] it is the native language of childhood. Counselors can understand children, the child’s world and his or her perspectives in the context of play therapy.”

Sullivan notes that children with autism play differently than do their peers without autism. “Children with autism have a low level of engagement in play. Their play is more concrete, private, ritualized … and restrictive,” she says.

She explains that young children with ASD possess limited imaginary or “pretend” play skills. Their tendency to engage exclusively in solo play and difficulty participating in imaginary worlds isolates these children and often precludes them from developing meaningful relationships or friendships with other children.

Sullivan uses a nondirective play therapy approach to engage children who have ASD. This means that rather than using a prescribed set of games or toys, she lets the child take the lead, exploring at his or her own pace.

“In this nondirective approach, the relationship is the key therapeutic medium [that] communicates acceptance of the child,” says Sullivan, an assistant professor in the Counseling and Psychological Services Department at the State University of New York at Oswego. “I aim to make the critical emotional connections that support a reciprocal relationship between us. I … encourage [the child’s] initiative and play with the goal of deepening engagement, lengthening mutual attention and regulating emotion and behavior.”

Once these children feel fully accepted, they begin to communicate and engage in reciprocal social interactions, Sullivan says.

When Sullivan wants to target a specific therapeutic goal, she uses more directive play, choosing activities that help build particular strengths in children with autism. For example, by creating something with the child, Sullivan strengthens the child’s ability to take turns, joint attention (the ability to focus on more than one thing at a time) and social perspective.

Sensory exploration can further increase the connection between Sullivan and the child. Many children with ASD use sensory toys to self-regulate, so in addition to baskets of sensory toys, Sullivan has sand trays, big bean bags and pillows, donut balls, a tunnel and a small ball pit in her office. “I am often invited by them to join in as they self-regulate,” Sullivan says. “This can be a time to connect deeper with the child and build our relationship.”

Sullivan collaborates with her clients’ parents or caregivers using two therapeutic approaches: skills-based/solution-focused therapy and filial therapy.

The first approach involves identifying goals and solutions for the child’s behavior and challenges that are causing stress on the family system. Sullivan then works with the parents to identify ways in which they can support and encourage the child as he or she develops new skills and abilities.

For example, children with autism often express anxiety through their behavior. Sullivan teaches parents how to identify this and how to help children recognize what they are feeling. The parents can then prompt their children to use coping skills they have learned with Sullivan, such as relaxing their bodies, distracting themselves or trying to change the way they feel about a situation.

With filial therapy, Sullivan says the work centers around strengthening the parent-child relationship in the counseling process. This is done in part by teaching parents play therapy relationship-building techniques such as reflecting the child’s feelings, empathic listening, imaginary play skills and limit setting.

Finding friends

During the elementary, middle school and high school years, social skills become even more critical, Sullivan says, particularly as they relate to the making and keeping of friends. “These children [her clients with ASD] desperately want to have friends, but they don’t know how,” she says.

Sullivan uses group therapy to help children with autism cultivate stronger social and relationship skills. She holds one group for children of elementary school age and another for clients of middle and young high school age.

When designing the groups, Sullivan decided the training for the elementary school-age children would be more effective if it featured an element of play. She chose to incorporate Lego-based therapy, a method pioneered by neuropsychologist Daniel LeGoff after he noticed that when children with ASD worked together to build things, they were more naturally inclined to socialize with each other. Sullivan pairs the Lego therapy with a structured lesson. She says the underlying play therapy lessens the children’s anxiety about the group while the building exercises aid in teaching social and friendship skills.

The group meets for 90 minutes once a week for 10 weeks. It is run by a professional counselor (either Sullivan or her colleague) and a relational coach who demonstrates social skills by engaging in role-play with the counselor.

Each session starts with a sensory warmup in which group members can play with sensory toys. After the warmup, the leaders and participants decide, as a group, what kind of Lego structure they want to build that day. The building process is collaborative and uses defined roles such as builder, supplier and engineer. From session to session, the children take turns playing each role. Once roles are assigned, the group must work together to decide how to go about building the structure.

As the group is building, the leaders introduce that session’s topic, such as learning how to have a conversation. The counselor talks about what the skill involves — in this case, trading information — and demonstrates it through role-play with the relational coach. This often consists of “good” role-play and “bad” role-play. For example, you don’t start a conversation by going up and introducing yourself, but you do hang back and wait until a topic comes up that interests you and then join the conversation.

Sessions end in free play, during which the children, over time, begin to interact with each other on their own, Sullivan says. The children’s parents or other family members receive a sheet after each session that outlines the skills the group worked on that week. As homework, parents are encouraged to help their children practice the skills they learned in group.

If possible, Sullivan also provides packets for the children’s teachers. She says that in some cases, teachers call her to collaborate, whereas in others, the parents work with the teachers. Many of the children in Sullivan’s groups are in mainstream classrooms. So, she recommends that their teachers identify peers to serve as social mentors and then provide time for the students with ASD to practice their skills at school.

The group also explores appropriate humor, a topic for which bad role-play is particularly suited, Sullivan says. The relational coach will display inappropriate humor — for instance, using potty language or imitating one kid making fun of another kid — and the counselor will react. Afterward, the coach and counselor ask the group members what they saw: “Did you notice that Tami didn’t laugh and that she actually looked kind of sad?” Then the coach demonstrates appropriate humor by telling a joke, and in response, Sullivan or her colleague will laugh. Sullivan also gives the children (and their parents) a list of appropriate topics to joke about and recommends joke books.

The group also discusses how to be a good sport. “We talk about a lot of things that you don’t do when you want to play a game with someone,” Sullivan says. For instance, “You don’t want to be a policeman or a referee — you don’t want to remind everyone what the rules are all the time.” The lesson teaches children to focus on what their role is in the game and how to participate in a sharing way. The topic also offers an excellent opportunity to talk with group members about additional skills such as dealing with frustration by walking away, taking a break or engaging in deep breathing, she says.

In later weeks, the group experience involves more discussion, such as talking about how to choose an appropriate friend. The children compile lists of qualities that are appealing to them in a friend and what makes a person a bad friend, Sullivan says. She also works with parents to help them brainstorm places, such as school clubs, where children can make positive connections.

Sullivan says the group leaders routinely look for opportunities to point out when children are demonstrating some of the skills they have learned in the group. Recently, during freestyle play, one boy, inspired by the monster structures they had been building, talked about wanting to have a Halloween party. His fellow group members then asked one another about their Halloween costumes and activities.

Teenage training

Sullivan’s group for clients of middle school and younger high school age runs for 14 weeks. It also focuses on conversational skills but covers additional topics such as how to handle rejection, how to handle rumors and gossip and how to be a good host. This group doesn’t incorporate Lego therapy. Instead of starting sessions with sensory play like the younger group, participants in the older group talk about their experiences trying to implement the skills they are learning. They also receive more homework to reinforce those skills.

Sullivan says the group spends a significant amount of time talking about bullying, rumors and gossip. “We teach a lot about how to reinvent yourself,” she says.

For instance, the group leaders emphasize that it is counterproductive to handle rumors or gossip by addressing them directly or denying them because those actions merely create more rumors and gossip, Sullivan says. Instead, they teach participants to redirect by using a sense of humor, walk away if someone is getting in their face and establish support figures in school and at home. They also talk about what to do about a damaged reputation, how to not take rumors and gossip personally, how to find other groups to hang out with and how to identify and connect with supporters within the school.

Sullivan says participants practice skills together during the group sessions, but group leaders also encourage them to set up short get-togethers with friends outside of group. In doing so, the leaders emphasize the need for the group members to practice sharing and exchanging ideas with others during these get-togethers. What group leaders don’t want is for group participants simply to get together for parallel play, such as two people playing video games separately, side by side, Sullivan says.

Group leaders review the process of getting together in great depth, even covering actions as simple as answering the door. “You don’t just open it,” Sullivan tells group members. “Invite the friend in and ask what they want to do.”

Next, the host should present the friend with two possible activities to choose from and let the friend decide which sounds more fun. Once they complete that activity, the host should talk with the friend about what else they could do, Sullivan coaches.

The sessions for Sullivan’s group incorporate ideas from the Program for the Education and Enrichment of Relational Skills (PEERS) for Adolescents model, an evidence-based social skills intervention developed by UCLA’s Semel Institute for Neuroscience and Human Behavior. PEERS focuses on the following topics:

How to use appropriate conversational skills
How to choose appropriate friends
How to appropriately use electronic forms of communication
How to appropriately use humor and assess humor feedback
How to start, enter and exit conversations between peers
How to organize successful get-togethers with friends
How to be a good sport when playing games or sports with friends
How to handle arguments and disagreements with friends and in relationships
How to handle rejection, teasing, bullying, rumors/gossip and cyberbullying
How to change a bad reputation

Conversation starters

Cunningham, who practices at the Children’s Center for Psychiatry, Psychology and Related Services in Delray Beach, Florida, also uses the PEERS for Adolescents program with middle school- and high school-age youth. The groups last 16 weeks, and participants must be accompanied by a parent or someone else who functions as a social coach, she says. The “coach” requirement is in place so that the youth will have support not only for practicing their skills but also for finding opportunities for social engagement, Cunningham says. The clients with ASD meet in one group, while the parents/social coaches meet in a separate group to learn about the skills the youth are acquiring.

Cunningham, an assistant professor of counseling at Lynn University in Boca Raton, says that sessions start with role-play. Facilitators model some common errors related to that week’s skill lessons so that group members can learn what not to do. The facilitators then use role-play to demonstrate scenarios for using the skills effectively. The group participants then rehearse the skills and are given homework requiring them to go out and practice their skills in the outside world.

The group spends a substantial amount of time on conversational skills, beginning with how to start one, Cunningham says. Most people might say that the way to start a conversation is by introducing yourself, but few people actually do that, she notes, because it makes it seem like you’re selling something. Instead, group members learn how to find something that they have in common with the person and then make a comment or ask a question to continue the conversation, she explains.

People with ASD often have very particular, idiosyncratic interests, Cunningham says, so group participants learn about things that most people like to talk about, such as books, TV shows, movies, music or video games. She also tries to help clients understand steps they can take to expand their own interests or to make connections between their interests and the interests of others. For example, one of Cunningham’s clients with autism listens to a niche kind of electronic music. She has explained to him that he might not be able to find other people who listen to that exact music, but he can seek out people who like music that is similar.

After learning to start a conversation, the group moves on to how to maintain one, focusing on elements such as listening and having an equal exchange of information rather than doing all the talking or asking question after question. Participants also learn how to use humor in a conversation, how to pay attention to feedback and how to join a group conversation, Cunningham says.

Bullying is another important topic, but the focus isn’t so much on how to cope with it as how to prevent it from happening in the future, Cunningham says. One thing that group members learn is how to distinguish between actual bullying and straightforward feedback that they may get from someone who is annoyed by their behavior.

Cunningham also runs a PEERS group for adults with autism that includes four weeks focused on dating. (Cunningham doesn’t include the topic of dating in her younger groups but not because she thinks participants aren’t interested. Rather, it’s because parents of children with ASD often aren’t comfortable with their kids exploring romantic relationships, particularly when they still aren’t savvy about friendships.) The dating portion of the program focuses on topics such as appropriate ways to engage in flirting and assessing whether another person is interested.

It isn’t uncommon for men with ASD to be perceived as creepy, Cunningham notes, because they don’t typically understand how to read other people’s cues and might continue pursuing someone who is not interested in them romantically. Meanwhile, there are others with ASD who, despite their desire for a romantic relationship, won’t engage with anyone because they can’t tell if the other person is interested, she says.

Other topics the group discusses include how to handle peer pressure and sexual pressure.

Job hunting

Many people with ASD have trouble finding and keeping a job due to several factors, including a lack of social skills, difficulty understanding workplace culture and sensory difficulties that can cause them to become overwhelmed more easily. However, Smigiel believes that the most significant factor keeping those with ASD from career success is a lack of support.

In essence, Smigiel says, career counseling for those with ASD is similar in spirit to providing career counseling to any other client — it is a matter of finding out the client’s strengths and weaknesses. Smigiel did her internship at a vocational services agency that provided job counseling for those with ASD and intellectual disabilities. The agency helped clients practice their interviewing skills and assigned them a job coach who would try to connect them with positions that matched their skill levels.

Smigiel has worked with people on the high end of the autism spectrum who have found their niche in computer work, but at the vocational agency, they tried to match all clients, including those on the lower end of the autism spectrum, with jobs. “I’m a firm believer that anyone can have meaningful activity,” she says.

The key is to play on the focused nature of those with ASD. “What are they obsessed with?” Smigiel asks. “What can I do with that?”

For instance, Smigiel says the agency had many clients with ASD who loved to clean, so the vocational center helped them set up a car detailing program. The clients’ attention to detail produced “the cleanest cars you ever saw,” Smigiel says.

Counselors working with people with ASD have to think creatively and find that person’s niche, says Smigiel, who believes that everyone on the spectrum possesses strengths. For instance, some clients might be obsessed with organizing, which might make them a good fit for working in a clothing store and keeping all the displays in order.

Clients with ASD also often need help retaining their jobs because they don’t necessarily understand the social skills involved in working with others. As a result, they might ask too many questions, not understand what is and isn’t appropriate to say to a boss or have trouble interacting with co-workers, Smigiel says. In more severe cases, people with ASD might have poor personal hygiene, neglecting to brush their teeth or take a shower either because they don’t see it as a need or because it creates a disturbing sensory sensation for them.

At the vocational center, staff members would provide lessons on the importance of brushing teeth and taking showers, Smigiel says. When teaching these kinds of lessons, counselors should be aware that people with ASD are forthright and won’t want to do something “just because,” Smigiel says. Instead, the staff would say, “You need to take a shower because, otherwise, you’ll smell,” and, “You need to brush your teeth because, otherwise, you’ll get cavities.”

Emotional regulation

Clients with ASD also need help acquiring the self-regulation skills to cope with stress and frustration on the job, says Jamie Kulzer. An LPC in the Pittsburgh area, Kulzer helps clients with ASD and other cognitive disabilities as part of a multiweek vocational training program that teaches cognitive, self-management and vocational skills. The program includes internships with local businesses.

“We have found that emotional regulation is really important because if you’re escalated, [you] can’t access the other resources that you have to deal with problems.”

The program has participants envision an emotional thermometer, with green representing a calm, rational state and red representing a state of extreme sadness, anger or excitement. When individuals are in the red, they are unable to make good decisions, so Kulzer teaches clients to monitor their thoughts and behaviors and to be vigilant to when they are in the “yellow.” She also teaches clients to practice techniques such as deep breathing, visualization or standing up and stretching to help themselves avoid going from yellow to red.

Once clients have returned to a green state, they can approach a problem by asking for help or by using a divide-and-conquer strategy that breaks problems down into smaller, more manageable pieces. They can also express their problem by using “I” statements, such as “I need” or “I don’t understand,” explains Kulzer, an ACA member and assistant professor in the clinical rehabilitation and mental health counseling program at the University of Pittsburgh.

Program participants also learn about the physical and emotional gas tank, which is a measure of mental and emotional fatigue, Kulzer says. A full tank enables the client to be fully alert, present and ready to take in new information. An empty tank makes the client susceptible to aimless daydreaming, flooding emotions, racing thoughts and frustration.

Clients are taught that they can help keep their gas tanks full through self-care measures such as healthy eating, drinking water regularly and getting enough sleep. Kulzer also teaches program participants to approach their work or other projects by breaking them down and doing the easiest parts first and making sure to take frequent breaks.

It is critical for clients with ASD to monitor their physical and emotional gas tanks and to take action when they feel themselves getting to half full, Kulzer says. This means stopping and asking themselves, what’s draining the tank? For one person, it might be staying up too late to play video games, which requires better self-management. For another, it might be the result of being in an overly stimulating environment and needing to take a break by briefly leaving the area, Kulzer says.

In anticipation of the second half of the program, participants work on their vocational skills, which includes an emphasis on general communication. For instance, clients are taught to use “I” statements to talk about their feelings and encouraged to repeat back any request made to them to ensure that they are hearing it correctly and are aware of the nonverbal messages they are sending, Kulzer says.

People with ASD often have difficulty looking others in the eye, which can mistakenly give others the impression of disinterest. Kulzer’s program teaches these clients to say things like, “Eye contact is difficult for me, but I am listening.” Clients are also encouraged to indicate their attention and willingness to work by sitting up straight and taking out their earphones, Kulzer says.

The group also talks about social interaction. Subjects include what is appropriate to discuss in the office and how office friendships can have pros and cons. For instance, although it may be great to have someone you like and get along with, if you favor that person and don’t treat everyone equally while working, it can result in hurt feelings and misunderstandings.

Kulzer also talks with group members about issues such as scheduling and making decisions independently without telling a supervisor. She uses the example of someone with ASD who takes a bus that gets them to work 15 minutes early and then assumes this means that they can also leave 15 minutes early. Kulzer explains to group members that they can’t change their schedules (or make other similar decisions) without first discussing possible options with their boss.

The group participants receive feedback from Kulzer and other instructors as they work in their internships. Together, they tackle problems that come up in the workplace and implement suggestions for improvement. Kulzer says that many of the group’s members go on to pursue associate degrees or certificates in their internship field.

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Additional resources

To learn more about the topics discussed in this article, take advantage of the following select resources offered by the American Counseling Association:

Counseling Today (ct.counseling.org)

“Achieving a better understanding of adult autism” by Kenneth J. Smith
“Processing the ‘whole’ with clients on the autism spectrum” by Chris Abildgaard
“Addressing challenging behaviors for individuals with autism spectrum disorders” by Chris Mann Sullivan

Practice briefs (counseling.org/knowledge-center/practice-briefs)

“Autism Spectrum Disorder” by Carl J. Sheperis, Darrel Mohr and Rachael Ammons

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Laurie Meyers is the senior writer for Counseling Today. Contact her at lmeyers@counseling.org.

Letters to the editor: ct@counseling.org

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Opinions expressed and statements made in articles appearing on CT Online should not be assumed to represent the opinions of the editors or policies of the American Counseling Association.